Ah yes, he left everything behind when he left. And I mean **everything** (including passport). And all his post still came here for ages afterwards. I had to deal with **everything**.
I guess that's what kickstarted this whole process. Once I'd removed things that were his, parcelled them all up and arranged for his mum/sister to pick them up, I had found it so cathartic that I started on my own stuff as well.
Don't get me wrong, it was all excruciatingly painful, but the benefit was somehow greater than the pain in the end.
I have a few things, in a small box, in the corner of my cupboard, up high (they include all the photographs of us together). Perhaps I'll sort through that at some point in the future. But for now, I'm OK with that. I'm currently working sorting through some other things and making space.
It was mostly my clothes that I got rid of when I went through my things the first time round. And certainly all the clothes I'd been wearing whenever we were all together (me, XH and OW), even though they were things I'd maybe only worn once or twice. They just felt...I don't know...like desperately unhappy things. I told myself I could buy myself new versions of them if I really wanted to. But I haven't. I haven't wanted to.
Then I'd lost so much weight that stuff like the jeans been wearing were just too big for me. So that was easy.
I had duplicates of some things, like a specific colour of t shirt. So I keep the newer version and donated the slightly older one (which still looked new). I'm thinking I could actually go through this process again at some point in the future. And it would be easier now, as there is less stuff to start with and it's better organised too.
My style has changed over the past few years going through all of this process. I never used to wear dresses, but now I do and really enjoy it (especially those retro 1950s type ones). I've had the best compliments ever when I've been wearing them - which have mostly been from women by the way, and some compliments from women I don't even know, from total strangers. I also wear much shorter skirts now, and shorts as well.
I guess I don't feel self conscious now, whereas, looking back, I think I felt very self conscious before, when the EAs/PAs were going on. But wouldn't you, if you were an unwilling part of the 'pick me' dance?
Books and CDs I've kept. They feel less personal. Although there might be some books that were mine all along that I might want to donate.
So, I feel good today. I feel like I've done a lot of 'background' sorting stuff that's been on my mind for a while and I've wanted to do for a while, but haven't been able to because of work. I still have some general tidying to do in the next couple of days (washing to put away, bathroom to clean, bedroom to hoover, bed linen to wash).
But I'm ready to say goodbye to my old (wedding present) sofa, and have my lovely new one in my life.
