Right, don't do it to be a dick. Like neffer said, be the one with his head screwed on straight. Don't fight, don't be bitter, don't be petty. Do the right thing for the right reason.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
S has started staying with me. W brought him and a bunch of his clothes over last night. The hard part (other than trying to get a 4 year old to cooperate in the mornings) was seeing the look on her face. I have NEVER seen her look so defeated ever. And even if her actions got us to this point, it feels bad.
Today is W's bday. I let S send her a quick good morning/happy bday video this morning. She asked if she could have S for a couple of hours today to take him out for ice cream, and I told her that I have no problem with that at all.
Life is getting really strange.
I'm not used to W asking me if she can do anything at all. Years ago she would say "hey, do you mind if I go out with this friend after work?" but lately it's like "I'd like to see S, is it okay with you if I do that?" Totally different kinds of questions.
I kind of feel like a jerk. I hate seeing her hurting.
On the other hand...I know that she didn't have a problem with seeing me hurt at all. So it feels just...weird.
Honestly, I don't have any idea how I'm going to be able to make this work financially. My half of the day care adds about $350/mo to my expenses, and I just don't have the income to cover that. She knows that. Neither of us could afford it. I suppose I'll have to find an alternative to day care, but I can't just keep moving him from one day care/school to another. It's already happened too much as it is. My side income option (rideshare driving) is pretty much gone if he lives with me. W got upset the other day because she's broke and I have a little money left, of course with her dropping the divorce, I didn't budget for S being there full time already.
I think she's starting to understand how bad she messed up, but she's definitely not ready to deal with that yet.
Blackmac, you are having a bad case of Nice Guy Syndrome. Stop feeling sorry for her. Remember, believe nothing she says. Acting pathetic is her way of trying to manipulate you. Remember, she chose this, NOT YOU.
I am still not sure why you agreed to delaying the D. I know this is DBing, but sometimes D is part of that process. Again, I think it was the full custody thing. She is biding her time trying to get out from under the mediation agreement. Do not trust her. Stay diligent. Also be sure to do nothing that she can use to her advantage.
I am torn on the D, whether the right thing to do was to go along with its withdrawal. I'd like to get other perspectives on it but my gut says it was a mistake.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I actually didn't agree to delay it. She filed the motion to dismiss it on her own, without my help or permission. I still have time to respond, I'm just not sure what the correct way to do that is. I called an attorney's office for advice, they recommended I move to enforce, but I literally can't find those forms anywhere, and there is ZERO way that I can afford an attorney, and my income is "too high" to get free legal aid.
I would like other perspectives as well. On one hand, this will absolutely destroy her if I pursue it (and while I know I say it hurts to see her hurting...that's true...it does...but I also know she brought it on herself, so I have no issue making this happen if I need to...but that doesn't make it hurt less, and hurting doesn't change my course of action).
To clear it up, I feel remorse for having to be the legal equivalent of executioner, sympathy because this IS my W, but also justified because it's what needs to be done. Just because I feel like a nice guy doesn't mean I will be one when it comes to protecting S.
Definitely need as much feedback as possible as quickly as I can get it because the legal clock is ticking.
It sounds like you already know what to do in order to best protect yourself and your S. Taking care of a WW should not be your concern at this point. Do what is best for you and your S.
Hang in there.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Well, 3 days into being a "single" dad. So far, S and I have a good evening routine set up...which is amazing because we're both super ADHD...
W messaged me. She got the manager job she was trying to get, so I just said "congrats" pretty much. She's starting to send random texts again.
So far, I haven't asked her to help with S. I don't plan to. If she wants to be a part of his life, that's on her to decide. I know she does, but I'm not going to go out of my way to set that up.
Honestly, I'm really tired. Work has been hectic af this week, and I'm just kind of exhausted. But...things are going well so far.
Still have to figure out how to go about getting the D over with to lock things in. We'll see.
Work was insane today, had to ask W if she could pick S up from day care...and she was glad to. I met up with them to pick up S so she could go to work. She was like "wow...you look nice!" She talked about her day a bit, I just politely listened.
She asked if I received the motion to dismiss the D, I said that I did. She started crying. She said she really wants to redo mediation because she wants to do what's best for S, and she doesn't think that the custody move is good for him.
I told her "You know I'm going to take care of him. And I know we have different opinions of what's best for him, but I promise that I'll do everything I can to protect him, and I'm not trying to be mean but that includes protecting him from anyone that I need to."
She cried more, then said I was just being vindictive. I didn't really respond. She said "I need to go to work before we start fighting." I told her to have a good night and to be careful driving.
Just made dinner for S. He's been doing really good here. W is going to be working a lot this weekend, but she is planning on seeing him at least for a while on Sunday.
Things are going alright.
I wonder when she's going to figure out that this all could have been avoided...eh. That's for her to figure out. In the meantime...S and I are doing pretty well.
