S has started staying with me. W brought him and a bunch of his clothes over last night. The hard part (other than trying to get a 4 year old to cooperate in the mornings) was seeing the look on her face. I have NEVER seen her look so defeated ever. And even if her actions got us to this point, it feels bad.
Today is W's bday. I let S send her a quick good morning/happy bday video this morning. She asked if she could have S for a couple of hours today to take him out for ice cream, and I told her that I have no problem with that at all.
Life is getting really strange.
I'm not used to W asking me if she can do anything at all. Years ago she would say "hey, do you mind if I go out with this friend after work?" but lately it's like "I'd like to see S, is it okay with you if I do that?" Totally different kinds of questions.
I kind of feel like a jerk. I hate seeing her hurting.
On the other hand...I know that she didn't have a problem with seeing me hurt at all. So it feels just...weird.
Honestly, I don't have any idea how I'm going to be able to make this work financially. My half of the day care adds about $350/mo to my expenses, and I just don't have the income to cover that. She knows that. Neither of us could afford it. I suppose I'll have to find an alternative to day care, but I can't just keep moving him from one day care/school to another. It's already happened too much as it is. My side income option (rideshare driving) is pretty much gone if he lives with me. W got upset the other day because she's broke and I have a little money left, of course with her dropping the divorce, I didn't budget for S being there full time already.
I think she's starting to understand how bad she messed up, but she's definitely not ready to deal with that yet.
