WW having affair and pushing for divorce

[DB346]

It's been a while, but there hasn't really been much to write about. I filed for a D that I never wanted, and the temporary hearing is coming up VERY soon. I have pretty much been doing well, but now that the hearing is so close I am finding myself second-guessing whether this is the right decision.

W and I don't talk at all, except for an extremely minimal amount of kid-related logistics. I have long since lost any desire to want to reach out to her. She is the one that created this situation and she is the one that would have to reach out to me to start any dialogue toward R. I won't beg her, or anyone else to love me.

I am very torn between the desire I still have to save my marriage and the desire to have some resolution to this situation, so I can stop living with this hanging over me. I still love my W, but I have taken the time since she left to honestly do the hard work to better myself. In doing so, I've realized so many things that I did wrong in our marriage and discovered how much I neglected what I wanted and needed from our relationship.

I now know much more clearly what I want and NEED from a partner. I also know that the work I've done, and that I will continue to do for the rest of my life will make ME a much better partner, whether with her or eventually with someone else. I no longer mourn what I've lost, because I can see now how unfulfilling our marriage had become, but I do long for what I see our future COULD be. It has occurred to me that it would actually be easier to start over with someone new than it would be to rebuild our MR, but I am not afraid of the hard work.

It has taken me a long time to type this post, and as I have, it's clear that I don't really have a choice but to continue on the path toward D. Fighting for 50/50 custody is the only reason I filed, and that hasn't changed. Our son is my only priority and this is really my only option at this point. I've definitely let her go and I'm not scared of getting divorced.