I think that the folks above are being a little hard on you. It is certainly hard for LBSs to understand the thoughts and motivations of someone we classify as "the other man". I think coming here, telling your story, and seeking help, is a show of growth and we should be willing to support everyone walking in our shoes. That said, I think you have an incredibly uphill battle to restore your relationship, because it was never built on a solid foundation. I always equate the relationship between a wayward spouse and their affair partner as being built on a foundation of sand - it isnt stable and takes a lot of work to actually build correctly. Once the allure and promise of the new relationship, the secrecy, and the excitement of a new person wears off, what is left?
Originally Posted by lgdiaz
Little by little, we became closer all through the next summer we were texting and I always knew something funny was happening in her life since we would text sometimes until late hours. Close to 100% of the time she always contacted me 1st. She made her feelings pretty obvious and during the summer constantly wanted to hang out. I avoided her since she was married but 07/15 it happened we hooked up.
This girl was literally asking for it and I finally caved in.
Here, you seem to take no responsibility for your own actions. What were/are your boundaries? What values do you have? What is important to you?
Originally Posted by lgdiaz
For the longest time, I lowkey acted like a jerk and was truly dismissive towards her and I definitely had the "power" in the relationship. As time went by I enjoyed her company, the sex, and being with a pretty girl. I grew closer to her and her son, my family welcomed them with open arms, but I would always slip into my old ways and be rude and arrogant towards her. I was moved from the restaurant she worked at to another one and for the longest time, I blamed our relationship for that.
So what is different now? What are you doing to better yourself and your attitude?
Originally Posted by lgdiaz
I must admit that I didn't change much though I thought since we were married everything was going to be for ever. I still acted immaturely, teased my step-son, made little jokes here and there about her, and kept talking about what future careers I would pressure but had no real game plan.
So what is your game plan now? You still need to get your life in order with or without her.
Originally Posted by lgdiaz
Two weeks ago I told her in order to make the situation better I would move out of the room. We have been sleeping in separate rooms, I've tried to give her space and I'm trying to implement the last restore technique. I started the phone coaching with DB last Thursday and all I can do now is try to talk with actions rather than words. It's hard not to feel down or want to try and be with her but I have realized that has done more damage than I ever thought.
OK. So what actions are you taking now?
Like I said, you have a long road ahead of you. Its time to grow up and become a man that only a fool would leave. How are you setting goals and working to be that man?
