Sunday, I've had an idea and may change my strategy. I have been on my own most of today and have had a chance to read a lot more PM. I am about to read the infamous chapter 11 and have taken a break to talk to you guys. It is now obvious to me that sex is not our main problem. In fact, I realise that we aren't mature enough to ML in any meaningful way. Our problem is that we are not even the slightest bit emotionally connected. We cannot hug for more than 2 seconds, we cannot kiss on the lips. We cannot snuggle on the sofa and we cannot lie comfortably in bed together. We can communicate quite well about everyday things and we can maintain eye contact while talking. What I am thinking of doing is this. On the 5th July I have my vasectomy booked. I have 3 condoms left in the box which is probably about as many as I need. I propose to throw away the condoms and announce to W when she comes home on Tuesday that I don't think we should ML again until I am certified infertile which will be about 7 weeks. Instead we should work together on trying to gain some basic emotional connection and just re-learn how to cuddle, kiss and enjoy each other's company without the pressure of sex. The more I think about it the more I like the idea. It is just too easy to get stuck in a rut trying to get sex when what we really want is love. I think that we are different to the couples that Schnarch uses in his examples because thay are having sex regularly but it has gotten boring. He improves it with his hugging and eyes open techniques. We don't have the luxury of a sex life to build on. We need to build it from scratch. SD
