Moving past the WAW to a stronger me Pt. 4

[Davide]

Ovr,

I don't know that I am any better at DB than anyone else. I have been gifted with a nearly ideal situation in which to practice it. My W has been sane, consistent, firm, and has not reached out much at all. I have not shared a living situation with her since the day after BD, and I was lucky enough to be able to travel for 2 months and really put time and distance between us. Thankfully I discovered this forum less than a month post-BD which was super helpful as well since I was able to institute the principles quickly.

I completely respect your opinion about marriage. You have a strong sense of moral clarity and I wish I could share it.

For me, I never really cared that much about the piece of paper, but the commitment to the MR and to my W was something that mattered greatly to me. I never cheated or even thought about it really. I was prepared to spend the rest of my life with my W and do whatever it took to make the relationship work. For me, it was never about the institution but always about the R.

That said, paper or not, my marriage relationship is over. My W made that clear to me, and people on this site have helped me learn to truly accept that. I don't think there is any hope of R at any point, and if there is it would only be in the context of establishing a new relationship. There is no relationship for me to f#$k up at this point. In my state there is a 1 year waiting period before you can file for divorce, which means I will technically be married for at least another 6 months and probably a bit longer. I have no desire to drop the bomb and file for D, but I do feel like I need to start moving forward with my life. My W has told me that she doesn't want to spend her life with me. She is sane, not irrational at all and has given me no reason to think that this is anything but a rational decision that she has made. I feel like I need to respect that decision, work on myself and move forward. Whether or not dating should be a part of that process right now, for me anyway, depends much more on my own readiness.