You are the proverbial Other Man. You'll find no sympathy from me. You helped engineer the breakup of one family, and the mourn when it happens to you. I don't see where you helped your W recover and improve.
Verbal abuse in a relationship, like anything else, is not good. If you aren't going to help. you should promptly piss off. It sounds like you became what you were so against. You have a slough of issues of your own, and that, along with everything else, is the irony in your situation.
The OM is not solely to blame, I know. But the OM is always an enabler. That is why I am indifferent to you. You'll be able to read here and potentially improve your sitch. Takes guts to post here when you are the OM. So many here are dealing with the pain of the OM or OW.
THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Look all OM fall for the "my husband is so terrible" line. Everyone of us that has been cheated on have been called verbally abusive. Some even have been wrongfully accused of being physically abusive. I've yet to find a W that is on the prowl that says "I love my husband. He is wonderful. I just want to bang other dudes." They always make their LBHs out to be the scum of the earth. It is called "rewriting history" and many an OM has fallen for it. And decided to "rescue" her.
Now the shoe is on the other foot. You are being describe as the scum of the earth. Likely this is a cycle she will continue until she gets the IC help she needs to have a healthy, long term relationship.
I am not trying to be hard on you, but show you that a) you bought her sob story b) fell victim to her just like her first husband c) brace yourself because likely there is no saving this. (Go read OrangeK's threads for a WW that sounds very similar to your sitch.)
P,S, Moving out of the MBR is the last thing you should do. Strength and resolve is what breeds attraction. Not weakness and capitulation. Good luck.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018