The emotional let down is fine. You've been at this for 5 months - exercise some patience. I know it's not easy, but that's your only way out.
Keep the business stuff business and cheerful and polite. You have expectations that are most certainly not going to be met. You have to have ZERO expectations from any encounter with her, no matter how positive it might seem.
Totally okay to let the air out here. Just take your expectations all the way back down. For your reference, I have been separated for about 19 months, doing DB for 18, and just yesterday had the longest conversation with W in person that was pleasant. I got out of her way and her rage and anger and kept the focus on myself. Yes, I had plenty of mis-steps along the way, but once I got a handle on it, I haven't looked back.
Now a year ago, if this interaction would've happened with W, I would've been over the moon and thinking that she is turning the corner. Now, I didn't even think twice about it and just continued about my day and the next. Some of this comes with time, but a huge part is putting in the work.
Don't worry about the signals about the R. I remember being worried that I would miss them. Now I look back and laugh at myself at how naieve I was. If R is on the cards, she'll make it known. And plus, you don't want someone to be subtle and pussyfoot about it. They better come at you straight and direct in some way or form. Otherwise it's a waste of time.
Keep on doing the good work for yourself. Stay positive. Take ownership and accountability, and invest in your personal growth. I know you already know that, but just giving you a pat on the back and telling you to get on with it.
