After 2 weeks of backing off and focusing on myself my H initiated contact this morning...I am being honest when I say my emotions have been all over the place this morning..
I had a fairly good week in that I kept busy , got a lot of things done.. spent time with family and friends, went to a concert last night.. ive been less anxious … no spying at all... no checking my phone.. so it was alittle jarring to see his name on my phone rather early this morning..
He started out with a greeting using my pet name ...then sends another text 5 minutes later saying... he is thinking about buying a used SUV ( he gave me the $ amount he is thinking about spending and how much he thinks a payment would be) then went into this long explanation as to why he needs it ( he wants to use it for his business travel to keep the miles down on his truck and it would be cheaper on gas, and an SUV is easier to get in and out of due to his bad back ) he told me how many miles he now has on his truck and that he is just letting me know that he needs to do something..
Now I haven't initiated contact with him , and in fact I have backed off .. so there has been no R talks, no assumptions about OW, no accusations about what he is doing etc.. I HAVE BEEN AS SILENT AS THE GRAVE....I have been focused on myself and just having a normal life here in our home and doing things that are fun and make me happy.. so I have this text from him this morning that has me pausing.. at first when I saw it I thought " he is thinking about me right now " so I was happy with that .. then he sends the next text about this SUV and i start thinking " he is baiting me , I have been silent and he is putting something out there to get me to react and come at him" so I start to feel angry...Then i start feeling confused.. why is telling me all this when a month ago he told me what he does is none of my business.. that he left me and is with someone else ( he's been with her for 3.5 years but hasn't filed for divorce ) a month ago he was calling me every name in the book...
I am reading DB & DR.. i am backing off.. i am keeping a journal and i am coming here to post..
the complaints he has about our marriage are that i was controlling , i was critical of too much, i yelled at him too much, i treated him like a child, i acted more like his mother than his wife, i pushed him away "intimately " too many times. I didn't like his family and therefore i kept him from them, he felt lonely and isolated and he felt abandoned by me.. so he left me because he couldn't take it anymore..
Since he left me my reactions to anything he would do have been to come at him, to rant, blow up his phone expressing my feelings..etc…. so i think it is a HUGE shift that even though i cycled through many emotions this morning i kept them to myself and did not respond to him..i took control of me.. i felt all my emotions, i had every thought possible ( negative and positive ) but kept them to myself.
i have not responded to him, as i feel there really is no reason for me to.. he made a statement , he is thinking about doing something and he is letting me know.. why he is telling me only he knows..if it was to reach out to me as his wife.. then i listened to what he is thinking and made no comment .. i am respecting his thoughts and his opinion ..and if it was to bait me , to either see if i am going to come at him, argue with him , accuse him of doing something in regards to OW or flat out tell him what he can or can not do...… then i didn't take the bait..i held myself in check, felt my emotions, had my thoughts...
