Re: OK here goes first post... pt 4

[ovrrnbw]

I said to W it was starting to have a bad impact upon the kids and this was her choice.

Pressure. Stop with this. You really want her to come back because of the kids? Plus you come off as weak.

W & I talked on our own at one stage. I said that I had a good idea as to what went wrong but I can only see my point of view and it might not be the same as hers. I said I realise that she is probably too afraid to discus her point of view and so I'd had to join the dots and may have the wrong picture due to bad communication.

Pursuit. Again, she knows you're still in this thing.

I then noticed W kept looking at me in a warmer way. W passed a drink to me to taste etc. Her body language was the most open since she had left, whereas I was now the one with the crossed arms etc.

W denies taking money despite me saying that I have the evidence.

So things are better, but she still lies to your face?

I said that she used to be lovely and that I now felt sorry for her as I thought she was better than what she has been doing. I said that I tried to understand what she is going through and I had looked on the internet to search for rewriting martial history and a lot of it made sense and that what she is going through is a known predicatable thing. W seemed genuinely interested and said she would look into that.

So you told her she looks like crap? And now the two of you are going to do a joint psychoanalysis to fix your sitch?

I said to W that I'd been getting advice from him. W said that was nice. I said you wouldn't say that if you knew what advice he'd given me.

I heard Michele on a podcast with Neil Sattin. She talked about a scenario in her marriage where she was frustrated with her H after talking to her daughter. She was getting ready to lay into her H, but had a minute to think. Michele said to herself "Is the thing I'm about to say going to bring me closer to my H or further away?" So she did a 180 from the normal, reactionary behavior there and had a positive impact on her marriage. Did your words bring your closer? Was that why you said you wouldn't say he's nice if you knew the advice the friend is giving? What was the point?

Have you given your W a true incentive to change? Or are you still there for her, waiting for your chance?