My H and I have been separated for a little over 3 months, though he did not move out of the house until 6 weeks ago. We had marital problems for a few years with him being emotionally distant. He felt I never made him feel wanted, that we lost our connection, didn't help each other grow, etc. I found out 3 months ago that he was having a year long affair, which he has since ended because she was also married and her husband found out too. They both agreed to end it to "figure things out," though he tells me he doesn't know what will happen with her in the future. He decided he had been so unhappy in our marriage that he needed to move out. All this time he would go back and forth telling me he still had hope for us one day, then the next day when he was frustrated with me begging and pleading for him to come back, he'd tell me he didn't have hope and he was never coming back.
About 3 weeks ago I reached my breaking point. He told me he was filing for divorce (has not done so yet but he may once we finalize the parenting plan). He told me my begging and pleading was making him miserable. At that moment I realized I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't handle his hope one day and no hope the next day. I decided I was no longer going to beg and plead for him to come back.
I stopped all that and also stopped texting or calling him. I still see him and talk to him when we have kid related stuff to discuss, but otherwise, I have changed from the needy person I have been the last few months. It's been hard, but I realized what I was doing wasn't working and it was emotionally draining. I've been enjoying time with friends and really keeping myself busy.
However, he's reacted in a way I did not expect, and I'm not quite sure how to respond to it. At first, I did not hear from him, then he would start texting me random kid related questions that seemed unnecessary. Then, he would show up at my house without telling me, ringing the doorbell with the excuse that he had to get stuff out of the garage.
Then, starting last weekend, when I didn't have the kids and I was out with friends, he would text me at night to tell me something random about the kids (like they were having fun, they were asleep, etc.). But then he would later make a passive aggressive comment like "Have fun tonight. I'm sure you're going to get laid." He continues to do this, including this morning, sending me text messages about how he's sure I'm getting laid, how I have all these men taking me out to dinner, that I'm a liar because I won't admit that I'm having sex. It's bizarre and immature, and he almost seems angry. But when I see him in person he's very kind and sweet and doesn't bring any of this up.
Is this a normal reaction when you do a 180? Has anyone ever experienced this? Is this just jealousy but not necessarily a sign of hope that he's coming around? Is he just acting like this right now because he's not seeing anyone and so is angry that I might possibly be? Right now, when he says these things I tell him I am not getting laid, that I'm just out with friends, etc. I don't want to play games but should I instead tell him that I am? Or should I just not respond at all? I am fearful of making him mad and losing all chances of him coming back so we can repair our marriage. I worry if he thinks I am sleeping around or if I just totally ignore him that he will take it as a sign that I have moved on and so he will too. On the other hand, I wonder if him thinking he may possibly lose me for good will bring about reconciliation.
