I met my wife in 10/13 years ago at work. She was married at the time and ended up in my town since that was where her military husband ended up. At the time I was really into another girl and had just gone through a huge transformation. I had lost about 70 pounds and was a much happier and ambitious person. I worked at my uncle's restaurant while pursuing my accounting degree. I would go through my ups and downs regardless of the other positive factors in my life since the girl I like didn't like me back. Her husband was verbally abusive to her and she had no real support system in her life since her family lived in another state.
Little by little, we became closer all through the next summer we were texting and I always knew something funny was happening in her life since we would text sometimes until late hours. Close to 100% of the time she always contacted me 1st. She made her feelings pretty obvious and during the summer constantly wanted to hang out. I avoided her since she was married but 07/15 it happened we hooked up.
This girl was literally asking for it and I finally caved in. Soon after her husband found out, she moved out and her 1st night alone I stayed with her. Her husband had a made a key to the apartment, came over, and I finally confronted him. I told him he had every right to hate me, I wasn't trying to be his kid's dad, and that his wife would always initiate everything but finally I had fallen for her too. He a military man put a whoppin on me a 150 pound long distant runner(I admit I deserved this and I am not complaining or mad at him). I didn't press charges, but finally, we could be together. The truth is though I at the time didn't like her as much as she liked me. I kinda felt trapped and obligated to stay. For the longest time, I lowkey acted like a jerk and was truly dismissive towards her and I definitely had the "power" in the relationship. As time went by I enjoyed her company, the sex, and being with a pretty girl. I grew closer to her and her son, my family welcomed them with open arms, but I would always slip into my old ways and be rude and arrogant towards her. I was moved from the restaurant she worked at to another one and for the longest time, I blamed our relationship for that.
However, I still though showed her a good time and took her to basketball games, baseball games, and great dates. I still lived with my parents and they were co-owners in one of the family restaurants and there was money for activities We moved in together 03/17 and for three months since I was finishing school she paid all the bills. I graduated from college in 05/17 but I kept working at the restaurant, I did find a job related to my degree in 09/17. We got married in 08/17 and the truth is I pressured her into marriage by this time the power shift had been going on for a minute and I was starting to be more into her. I must admit that I didn't change much though I thought since we were married everything was going to be for ever. I still acted immaturely, teased my step-son, made little jokes here and there about her, and kept talking about what future careers I would pressure but had no real game plan.
Slowly and slowly I didn't realize I was turning her off. She cosigned for a car with me on 09/17 and I decided I couldn't afford it and gave to my parents. She wanted to move into a house but due to me wanting to attend graduate school and then get a better position and a bigger city didn't want to. I kept wanting to sex and thought as a married couple I was entitled to it. In 03/18 she told me she was no longer into me that she was planning in the future to move back home. I didn't take her serious, we still had good times here and there so I didn't do much changing(none actually). It wasn't until 08/18 that I realized she really was going to leave soon. I made the mistake of begging, reasoning, and pleading. I finally started to read on the topic and picked up 7 steps DB and other books.
Two weeks ago I told her in order to make the situation better I would move out of the room. We have been sleeping in separate rooms, I've tried to give her space and I'm trying to implement the last restore technique. I started the phone coaching with DB last Thursday and all I can do now is try to talk with actions rather than words. It's hard not to feel down or want to try and be with her but I have realized that has done more damage than I ever thought.
She is a special girl who I think saw in my a different man. She didn't have a dad and was one of six children from three separate man. Her 1st husband was verbally abusive to her and was texting/talking to other girls after she had their son. She saw in me a genuine guy and I violated her trust and let her down just like the other man in her life.
