My sitch might just have taken an uglier turn. We had mediation appointment this week where WH and mediator were expecting to finalize things. I had thought through a few more items and I had let them know in advance about wanting to discuss it personally. I went with my file, all cataloged, WH came swinging his arms without a care in the world. Initial part went as planned, I had some modifications to the document prepared and I also negotiated a few more financial items with H. He said I was being too calculative and small but $creW him I have 18 years before the baby goes to college. i know what I need to have my children's financial future secured. The mediator had very different numbers for child support compared to what my L had given so I made her recalculate it, she made errors right in front of me and I pointed them out and WH was fuming. Not wise MR wise but I cant have incorrect numbers on that. I have always handled all our finances and investments, WH finally saw the real me when it came to those negotiations yesterday. He blew a gasket when mediator gave him the CS numbers, he started saying he has already lost on custody time with kids and now is having to pay so much in CS too. I was a shark and maybe yes made sure I accounted for every dollar , he started hating me more if that could be possible I have not discussed it in detail but since BD, the consistent message WH has been giving is he wants D and he wants to move us post D to the other coast. His reasoning is he is depressed of this place and wants a new start. I was on the fence for the longest time, like the LBS in fog I thought it may help but I am quite sure now OW is in that state. It is not good for me or the kids in anyway, I already live in a state where cost of living is expensive, and where I am asked to move is probably one of the most expensive places. I will have to take a transfer with no pay hike to accommodate the higher living expenses. And more than any other logical reason, he has the audacity to expect this from me post D!! I finally calmly told him yesterday at the mediator's that I was not going to move, its not in my or the children's best interest. He blew up at this as his whole D plan is centered around this move, 1) I think OW is there 2) he wants to run away from every person we know and move to a state where there is no social circle either to judge him or to help me. The other set back was I brought up to mediator how I do not want either of our GF or BF when they exist to be exposed to kids. Mediator said I cannot control that and WH told her I was just paranoid and there is no OW involved.
We left the mediator with him trying to convince me and I firmly but calmly saying its my final decision. He started threatening to file the D thru court and said he is going to come for half custody and will have me kicked out of the marital home. I reminded him that is also our children's house and I own half of it and that I hope we can come to a mutual agreement. He left emanating all hate and I was surprisingly calm. I agreed to mediate a D I dont want if I was able to have an advantage, if he gives me just as much as the court will then might as well go there. Believe me, all the advantage is solely for the kids I am not getting a penny out of him for myself. Both of us are in high income jobs so I am more than capable of handling myself, but he owes it to the kids. Once he got back he apparently locked himself in a conference room for hours and finally texted the mediator cc'ing me asking her to put a hold on the proceedings until further notice which to me indicates he is going to talk to some Ls now. I am very clear on what I need from him to end the MR, financially and legally. I am not going to go extra nice on him in D process hoping he would come back. I cannot take that chance my Ds are way too young and I have a long path ahead of me.
But seems like I might have hit the last nail on the R coffin yesterday. So he has to now choose between leaving his kids and moving across the country or leaving OW and still stay D here and seeing kids every week. Every step he has taken in the past year has been a choice, we adults must be able to handle our own $hit and not be so selfish that we destroy our families. He may decide that he will stay here for the kids and have a long distance R with OW, well again plenty of choices to make I am out as an option in any one of those. I do not want to be a part of any of this drama, all I can do is respond back legally for any of the options he choose for D. But D seems to be inevitable, I couldnt save their family for my children. There is too much bitterness even in terms of the separation agreements.
