I have been reading through the responses on my previous thread and I am sad that I was put in this situation and maybe didnt handle it the best way. Blu, you are right. I know I am far too easy on him. And I know I am being given such great advice and then moving forward how I feel. I get a little jumbled by his texts. Part of me feels like more of the same is me ignoring him. So I tried to do a 180 and actually tell him I am letting go.
I am upset he responded at the end that he also needs time, because he is just wanting times to solidify his plan A and giving me bread crumbs as plan B. I do know what he is doing, so I am at least proud of myself for not giving into the whole "I miss us, im not over you, I dont want to move on to the next" game. I just said let me sit on this, I need to think about things for myself. He isnt trying to come home, but he is trying to dangle me along with him and I dont want that because I do NOT want to go through this hurt again. I want to keep pushing through. R2C, you nailed it when you said the thing about if I am pulling away and it is working, keep doing it. So that is what I will keep doing. Steve, hearing you say I did good MAY have been the highlight of my day. But i know I can do better like Blu said.
He is not fooling me. He sent me a song to listen to that was basically saying hes stuck between staying and loving me or leaving. I can literally SEE him trying to have his cake and eat it too right now. He has OW, but he wants me on a string if he ever decides to come home to his family in the future. And I dont want to make him think thats okay, but I dont know how to say that in words the right way. So I will take the time I asked for. I will keep doing what ive been doing. When he comes tonight, I think I will leave even faster than normal. I have some errands I need to run and things i need to do. Tomorrow I have a bridal shower to attend with the baby and it will be the baby and I's first official saturday night where we know he is not scheduled to come by. So I am sure we will find something to do.
I dont want this to backstep me. I know that normally a situation like this would bring me hope and I would start having expectations just because he said a few nice things, and I know better now. I know to believe none of what he says. I just hope he doesnt take our conversation as him still having me on the hook when I said I need time for myself. I said to him that I am letting him go, and thats what I need to do.
I dont know how he doesnt see that all this time is coming between us and we are completely detaching from one another. We are becoming strangers in my eyes. But I guess thats what he is now anyways. Hes a stranger. Because the man I married would never do any of this.
