I would be careful not to overthink this one. A similar revelation I had recently was that sometimes I say "I love you" to my H when I'm really thinking "Right now I feel like I hate you but I'm going to say that "I love you" in the hope that you will say "I love you" back and then I won't have to hate you anymore." VERY, VERY emotionally fused thing to do that I will not be doing in the future.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver