Husband cheated, left, trying hard to DB 3

[SteveLW]

Neither of those are going go get you closer to where you want to be. We all struggle with wanting to reach out. But reaching out is pressure. It is pursuit. And if you don't want D why would you ever do anything to head down that path? Most of the time the LBS pursues D when they don't want D as a way to manipulate the WAS. "Maybe if I start D proceedings they'll wake up and want to R!" Talk about counter-intuitive! That is like telling someone that if someone throws a right hook, lean into it!

So kech, what are your coping mechanisms? Are you concentrating on work? Are you looking for new GAL opportunities? Are you trying to keep mind and body occupied so you don't set your sitch back?

Like calling him this morning in the guise of wanting to make sure he was going to be there at 5:30. Be honest, it wasn't for the appointment time, it was TO CALL HIM. You were going nuts not hearing from him. The right approach would have been to call someone else to watch D so you could make your appointment on time. When he showed up you wouldn't have been there. Or you would told him, "Sorry, I didn't hear from you. I got mom to watch her. I am headed there now."

Anyway kech, we've discussed this before. Your fear of D. Of him not knowing you're sad. Of -insert kech's fear here- is going to cause you to bring about the thing you fear most: DIVORCE.

The choice is always yours. You can go your own way. Many posters have, and the ones that come back here always come back regretting not having listened to the advice.