I want my family together, finances, keep my home, she's gorgeous, we are good together in the sack, I think I could forgive her, I had wanted to leave to get a break, I'm now a better me.
I can understand that she must have gone off me more than 2 years ago when one of my parents died and I was depressed so she must have made plans (secretly gave money to her parents to help buy a house that has stood empty) to leave but didn't. It then seemed to me she wasn't fully committed (I now know I was right as there was a house waiting for her to move into - she must have had that in the back of her mind all the time) and so she made me more depressed with her negativity, and so I became even less attractive. She must have felt guilty so tried to start arguments. W genuinely did want us to have a bigger house until about months before she left. W then became under a lot of stress and simply couldn't cope. W then wanted to leave saying anything to try to get the kids and hide money. I now get what has happened - how it has snowballed.
I'm sure W feels guilty and afraid of facing what she has done. She now knows she isn't up to running a home, being a mum, working, exams, being in a serious relationship etc. all at the same time. If we got it all out in the open with a councillor then I think it 'might' be possible to have a new relationship and make the lifestyle changes required. I know I could forgive her and I'm now better than ever, so the problem wouldn't be me. However, I can't see that happening as W is sooooo stubborn, has gone so far, and she now has her parents doing everything for her.
However, I might have to start D soon to protect myself.
Today, I'm having a first session with a new councillor.
Hi David,
Have you ever considered that the lens in which you view the world might not be the most accurate reflection of reality?
It seems you are so afraid of losing everything - that you don't seem to understand that she doesn't want a life with you anymore. You keep repeating you are a better you. And? It changes nothing for her. Its for you.. and you only. This mindset and way of framing things the way you do is completely the opposite of what you should be doing and the journey you need to take before her coming back would even be a possibility.
You need to accept this is truly over.
Don't say you are; because that last post says to me you are not.
Im only here helping; my life is thankfully going well, (and i didn't drift away from this board after recon like most do) but I keep getting drawn to read your sitch because I want to help you but your a million miles off at the minute, and I think you are so desperate not to lose your family etc that your willing to be treated like sh*t from someone who clearly does not respect you. Its not healthy. But you take it because its better than the alternative of having to move out of town etc.. Your not living at the minute - your reacting to fear.
