Job, youre right. He has definitely shut down his feelings and it hurts me so bad. This is a first for us. We have been on this rollercoaster for a while but this is the most he has ever pulled away, while im also pulling away. Normally he would get scared and pursue me a bit, but I think bc of the OW he isnt and thats a knife to my heart.
Steve, he has no way of reading any of this so thats not a possibility. Hes a pretty emotional guy, when hes mad, you know hes mad. When hes sad, you know hes sad. And when hes indifferent, its obvious. And Im feeling like he is just indifferent towards me and it really hurts.
He actually just came to the house to pick up some work supplies and I was still home so I brought the baby out to see him. He came in and was standing in the doorway talking to me and I said "I was surprised not to hear back from you last night" and he looked me right in the eye and said "Ya I was sleeping already but I knew you wanted me here early." I just kind of stared blankly at him because I know he is lying to me.
He said he had to finish getting materials and get going and I just said ok. And then about 10 minutes later he came back inside and played with the baby for a second and asked me if I was going to my moms and I said yes. And then he asked if 5pm was ok for tonight (even though I said 5:30) and I just nodded my head yes. I know im being a little cold, but im just so heartbroken. He is just living such a different life and normally by now he would be kind of a mess without me and he doesnt seem to be a mess.
But I am glad I have you guys, because if not I would have sent him a text or asked him how he is doing and I know I would have regretted it. I know it would have been a step back when ive been going through absolute hell trying to push through this. I go to IC today. Thank goodness
