Navigating through and concentrating on myself #6

[Dtrmned]

Main reason is that I see no chance for an R as we stay in this current state.
With the lease coming up in a few months, my W has stated several times that she will be out soon (again last evening). She wants nothing to do with me, looks at me with such disdain, says she doesn't even like me (I can feel this as well). THE ONLY REASON SHE IS STILL HERE IS FINANCIAL. So really what is the point? Drag this out longer so she can feed into my D's attitude of hatred toward me? W has no opportunity to experience the real world without my shelter and I know this is my fault for taking care and sheltering her all these years. Perhaps, as I mentioned, I am the one holding her back in her life as she states. I don't think so, but if I am here picking up the pieces and she doesn't have to hold her own, how will she ever realize the pressures of real life? I contemplated the separation thing, but in my state, a legal separation is almost equal to a divorce. Health insurance, assets, all of that stuff as well as child custody are done. It is even more difficult to D after that since you have to go through the process of cancelling the separation in order to move forward with a D.

Steve, this is not a trick, ploy, plot or desire to "shake her out of her fog". If it was, I would tell you its a last ditch effort to get this going, it is not. She is a strong woman in a lot of ways and once she makes up her mind it is very hard for her to change it. 20+years with her I can only give you my opinionated observance on that. She mentioned last night that she did love I was nicer, more pleasant and everything else. I listened, validated and then she went into the part of just not liking me and she believes she will be 1000% happier when she is gone. She is also aligning my D in this as well as although she swears she is not, some of the sentences that she shares with me, i.e. sentence she said to my D "When we get out of here, things will be better" type of thing. I know she is setting my D up and all I can do is support my D forever and be there when/if things fall apart.

She brought up the past again. It will take her quite some time to see that I am not the Monster that she is portraying me to be. I am just a man trying to make it in this world, love his family, spend time with his family and have some fun along the way.

I don't know if I answered your question as my head is spinning a little at the moment.