Quote englishgent and heavyheart: Please tell me, how did you get to the point of negotiating a "just do it" agreement?
This new year I told W that I had made a resolution to ML with her at least once per calendar month for the whole year (as we had agreed to try - but failed - in the past) and she said she'd try. January went right to the wire and February was missed. The reason for the failure was that by tradition our "night" was Sunday and as each Sunday approached she would get worried that I was going to initiate that night so would get moody and I would get worried by her grumpy attitude and become convinced she would reject me so I would not initiate. On the last weekend of the month the pressure got so high that the bad atmosphere between us killed any chance of romance. By a stroke of luck W bought the wrong Sunday paper one week and in it was an article about SSMs, Michelle and her "Just do it" ideas. I read the article which spanned several pages of the glossy mag and suggested W read it too. She skimmed over it but obviously got the message. I ordered the book and read it but she would not. One night I suggested to her that we try to just do it once a week but she was horrified and tried to negotiate once a month as before. I pointed out that once a month had never worked in the past and in anycase "What harm can it possibly do?". So we agreed that Friday night (which suited us better than Sunday) would be for us to talk about R issues and to ML for a trial period of a couple of months or so and that she would not reject me and that I would not pressurise her on any other day. So far the results have been good. She has not rejected me even slightly and she appears to actually enjoy it more (I suspect that because she has come to terms with the fact that it's just going to happen she's not putting up the same barriers as before). We have not yet managed two weeks in a row though for various good reasons such as family health problems, wrong time of the month, staying with MIL but I'm hoping that tonight will be the first consecutive Friday. One strange side effect on me was that for some reason I went all LD for a couple of weeks but I am getting over that now. I think that my concentration on my R and the book reading and posting on this forum has taken my mind away from my natural HD feelings and that in time as I relax away from the psychobabble it will all come back again. I hope this is helpful. SD
