I've always thought that the time until the highest HDW tired of sex would be worth more than anything in the world! But that's every HDM's fantasy, I guess.
Quote englishgent and heavyheart: Please tell me, how did you get to the point of negotiating a "just do it" agreement?
This new year I told W that I had made a resolution to ML with her at least once per calendar month for the whole year (as we had agreed to try - but failed - in the past) and she said she'd try. January went right to the wire and February was missed. The reason for the failure was that by tradition our "night" was Sunday and as each Sunday approached she would get worried that I was going to initiate that night so would get moody and I would get worried by her grumpy attitude and become convinced she would reject me so I would not initiate. On the last weekend of the month the pressure got so high that the bad atmosphere between us killed any chance of romance. By a stroke of luck W bought the wrong Sunday paper one week and in it was an article about SSMs, Michelle and her "Just do it" ideas. I read the article which spanned several pages of the glossy mag and suggested W read it too. She skimmed over it but obviously got the message. I ordered the book and read it but she would not. One night I suggested to her that we try to just do it once a week but she was horrified and tried to negotiate once a month as before. I pointed out that once a month had never worked in the past and in anycase "What harm can it possibly do?". So we agreed that Friday night (which suited us better than Sunday) would be for us to talk about R issues and to ML for a trial period of a couple of months or so and that she would not reject me and that I would not pressurise her on any other day. So far the results have been good. She has not rejected me even slightly and she appears to actually enjoy it more (I suspect that because she has come to terms with the fact that it's just going to happen she's not putting up the same barriers as before). We have not yet managed two weeks in a row though for various good reasons such as family health problems, wrong time of the month, staying with MIL but I'm hoping that tonight will be the first consecutive Friday. One strange side effect on me was that for some reason I went all LD for a couple of weeks but I am getting over that now. I think that my concentration on my R and the book reading and posting on this forum has taken my mind away from my natural HD feelings and that in time as I relax away from the psychobabble it will all come back again. I hope this is helpful. SD
Quote: Listen, you psychos, just have some sex will ya!!!!!!!
Hey, it's not ME who isn't wanting the sex around here, missy!!!
I'm telling you, my H is a very rules-oriented person - he will want to know every which way this "scheduled sex" is supposed to go down (forgive the pun). I don't know if he does that because he's afraid of "getting in trouble" if it doesn't happen as scheduled, or just as a way to find ways out of it. Time will tell.
You all have inspired me to write him an e-mail today (we sometimes communicate better that way - no misunderstandings or hurt feelings - plus he can't see me roll my eyes!) suggesting the Friday Night Just Do It Experiment be implemented at our house. I'm trying SOOOOOOO hard not to predict what his response will be.
Oh boy would I look forward to Friday nights if my W were like you heavyheart and honeypot! Hang on though... I wouldn't have to wait until Friday would I? Ahhhh bliss... SD
You tease heavyheart!!! You HD women are such an inspiration to us guys! Hopefully I will have a heavyheart/honeypot/nomojoblue/annette/johanna of my very own one day. OK I have to be realistic. I can't influence her to become anything like as HD as you all are but I see glimmers of change that keep my hope alive. Take Friday night for example. It did not go well at first. S19 had a friend in the house and although they were playing computer games no where near our bedroom and there was no way either of them was going to barge in, it spooked her. I had no idea she was feeling uncomfortable - it doesn't bother me - and was disappointed when she said that she was too uncomfortable for sex tonight. Never mind thinks I, I'll try the Michele approach and suggest we postpone until Saturday night. After all if I'm on a promise that's OK (right heavyheart?). No way! She's only psyched up for Fridays so Saturday is a no-no. But it's Friday now so what's the problem? The boys downstairs are just an excuse. Sadly there was no way she was going to change her mind and I could see all my dreams going down the pan. Things got a bit heated and we both lost our tempers with me stupidly accusing her of not loving me and saying I was going to leave her if we couldn't work this out. So then she said "Lets do it then. Just get on with it". So my plans for a relaxing slow romantic night of love looked like turning into a slanging match followed by a loveless lewd act. Incredulous I told her that it wasn't just about sex and that in any case I couldn't even raise a smile after the last half hours battle so we just lay there like two reindeers exhausted after a good hard rutting session. After a bit we got talking and gradually calmed down. I felt a vague flicker of desire stirring and made a few amorous moves and she responded favourably. I went down to do what I do best and found her very turned on. Pity we had to have the pre-match showdown. The following night we had a really lovely chat and cuddle in bed but of course there was no threat of sex so she was relaxed. Same again last night with a nice relaxing talk. Given time hopefully we will be relaxed on Friday nights too. SD
Your Friday experience is similar to my Saturday experience, SD. We got into an argument about sex, and afterwards we had "make-up sex" which was nice...but I would rather have done without the arguing.
In other news, we put an offer on a new house yesterday (we weren't even LOOKING but found one anyway) - while looking at the master bedroom H said, "Oh, and here is the bedroom for us to not have sex in." Smart-a**!
