You are wanting to go to your kids' college to tell them what's going on? Seems like the separation rules are simple:
1. Person who wants to separate needs to GTFO. 2. Bills 50/50 3. No cake-eating.
Yes, I want to tell the kids in person. Last week he said he doesn't see why we have to go there together. That I could talk to them and he could at another time. I want adamant that I would not budge on this that we should do it together in the best interest of the kids. Now he's saying he won't go this weekend "in advance" and that's that!, (even though he will probably move out next week). I left it alone until we talk tonight.
I agree on the 3 basic rules, but how do you monitor the No cake-eating? Maybe it's a matter of see what happens and go from there. All I can control is my own actions, and I will not waver on my integrity and values. In principle H agreed to no dating but he didn't sound too convincing.
What do you mean by not budging on telling the kids together? You can be adamant that you think telling them together is the right thing to do, but you cannot make him go with you to tell them.
Never give an ultimatum you can't follow through on or give a boundary you can't enforce.
He has all the power in this interaction.
Say something like, "I believe it will be easier for the girls if we tell them both together, but I believe it's important they know it happens when it happens. I am going to go visit them on x date. I'd like it if you came with me, but I'm going with or without you."
And then do that.
Last edited by Rose888; 09/27/1802:33 AM.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
