Affair discovered 3

[STH17]

For a while about a month ago I kept expecting divorce papers in the mailbox every time I checked the mail. I used to dread it, now I almost get excited hoping to find them there. Don't know if that even comes in the mail or what, but that's what pops into my head every time. I don't know if W is/has worked on moving that forward at all since she moved out. Might be up to me in the end, or she'll blindside me again as continues to happen every so often, most recently with son's school. I dropped son off at her parent's house last weekend, and noticed that all her boxes are covering the frontroom. It looked to me like the stuff had been there since she moved in with her parents, but I don't know that for sure.

Today W texted me some info about son's school, which he is starting on Monday. She said she'd "like it if I dropped him off Monday and picked him up Friday" from school. And she has a new job starting tomorrow "for the morning shifts". Said she can give me more information about that. Which would be the first time in months she's given me any information about what she's doing, besides when I asked her if she had a job a week after she moved out and I was starting to cut off support. Enough about her. If I am to do the drop-offs, that will take more than 6 hours out of my week, just spent driving. I want to reply "I'd like you to drive S up to my house and take the rest of your stuff back with you" since she has left a room full of her stuff at our house still too, and hasn't said a word about it since I told her I didn't want her dropping by and taking a few things at a time.

She left me, and now we don't talk. And I'm two steps behind on everything pertaining to son, divorce, job, life...

Going to school tonight to work on my master's project. It's been neglected for a long time as I've been doing a lot more GAL stuff. For the dating decision, I still am thinking heavily about what W would think about it, and whether I'd be violating my own marriage commitment. Filing for D still seems like breaking my marriage commitment. I know W already did break it, so maybe I'm just stubbornly holding on to something that isn't there. That's the dilemma all LBS are faced with though isn't it? WAS says it's over, but the LBS doesn't believe it. Until the LBS just gets tired of waiting? Which is what led the WAS to say it's over in the first place, they were tired of waiting for change. I'm just starting to wonder what's the point of resisting divorce if there's nothing I can do to stop it. If it's inevitable, the sooner the better right? I guess that's what I'm feeling now, but still would rather W do the filing herself. I told her she would have to file by herself months ago, and that's about when we stopped any communication about anything. Well, that's when she had a breakdown, got meds and intensive therapy, then moved out.