The trip to see oldest D and granddaughters will be solo. Other two kids are grown and have other obligations.
Oh OK well this is why it helps us if you post a signature with basic info on you and your W's age, how many kids and their ages, BD date, etc. Your comment about "At my request we are keeping it as secret as possible from the kids." made it sound like you were taking kids. If it's a solo trip then plan it and go and don't invite W or tell her anything about it.
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So just me. I can see if D has a preference.
Just explain to D that given the present situation you're going to come up alone and you hope she's OK with that. Don't give her the choice of inviting W or not, you don't want her to feel like she's stuck in the middle.
