I caught myself up on your sitch this morning, and it sounds a little similar to mine, except mine has had OW, not a MLC I dont believe. But I just wanted to drop in and say I am so sorry you are also dealing with this. Your husband has some similarities to mine in his actions and words. Pulling away, sending little mixed signals sometimes, talking about Divorce when you pull away, etc. He also does not want us involving lawyers and wants us to be able to handle it on our own. I am 31, H will be 30 in 2 weeks, and our daughter is 7 months. BD was when I was 5 months pregnant.
It is a ROLLERCOASTER ride that is FOR SURE. You sound SO much like me, reading into every interaction. I was reading your sitch and thinking gosh she sounds JUST like me. Picking up on literally every thing because we know them so well and can tell when theyre acting more positive, negative, having a pity party, manipulating, all of the above. The main thing I have been told that I try to pound into my mind, we have no control over what they do or say, only ourselves. And the things they are doing and saying that we are trying to find meaning behind, really have no meaning. I am CONSTANTLY trying to mind read, and it kills me.
There is a woman on here named Bluwave, she has been a lifesaver to me. Her H had OW a few years ago, and Blu would come here to read and get advice but she never actually posted. About a year after her husband came back and they were piecing their relationship, she started to post to try to help other people in these situations. She said one of the biggest things she would go back and tell herself is to stop mind reading. Stop trying to figure out how he is feeling or what he is thinking by every interaction we have with them. She said she asked her husband when he returned how he actually was thinking and feelilng in certain situations and most of the time, what she had thought was going on in his mind was mostly incorrect. When she felt like he wasnt missing her, he was. When she felt like he was missing her, he actually wasnt, things like that. She said oddly enough, the time her husband missed her the most was a random conversation they had one day about the dog over the phone. He told her that a few minutes discussing THE DOG is what made him realize he wanted to come home.
I am just saying all this to tell you, what we drive ourselves crazy over (if youre anything like me), trying to figure out what every tone, convo, etc, means, we are wasting our time. They are wayward, they are self serving, they are on their own journey. I know ALL of this is easier said than done. Trust me. If you read my threads Im a complete mess. Im spinning half the time, losing my mind over how much I miss H. I mean just 2 minutes ago I was posting how much I miss him and feel like im losing him. You sound like you are in a MUCH better place mentally than I am, but I just wanted to add my 2 cents in. I have had some AMAZING people on here help me through this last month since starting DBing.
You are smart in consulting a lawyer, that is my next step, and the last thing I have wanted to do,but I know I need to educate myself. You sound like you are on the right road. I will be thinking of you!!
