Pain, thank you so much. I will read your sitch. Sometimes i feel like im doing it all wrong, but I am feeling more and more that I am getting a grip on it. Before I was nicing him to death. I dont know why. BUt I see now this man has flipped my life upside down. I dont need to be afraid to act towards him exactly how he deserves. I dont need to be cold, but I do not need to be nice. I will be polite but distant. Like blu said, he doesnt deserve my friendship. I need to pull away. Its truly what I need to learn to do. And its what I am doing I believe. And hopefully he feels that loss over time. I know consistency is key.
Youre right that I have good moments, followed by bad. I cant WAIT for the good to outweigh the bad. I need to start doing MORE for me EVERY SINGLE DAY.
R2C, youre right about parenting not being pursuing. Last Friday I asked him if he could be here by 6 on Thursday, and he said he could, but now it has changed so I am going to see if he could possibly be here by 5:30. I dont think it will be a problem for him, i just would have to make it clear I have to be somewhere or else he will be nonchalant about getting here on time. Since I expressed to him that I felt he was becoming unreliable to me, he has gotten better about being on time for things. When we first separated and tried living apart for a month back in April, he would say he would be here and NEVER be on time. And never acknowledge it. I also never made it a big deal and once I started to acknowledge it he got better.
If he comes by later for the lawn I will ask if he can be here by 5:30. If he doesnt come by I will send a text just saying "I have to leave at 5:30 tomorrow, can you be here by then?" or should i word it differently? Trying to get better at my business like approaches when it comes to parenting with him.
