She even suggested that she loves to take a hike everyday. In her current medical state and for the last few years this is impossible.
My experience was discovering that people would post a photo of themselves when they were much younger, and pretty much embellish everything about themselves. That's the thing......they hide behind a computer screen or phone, and pretend to be someone they aren't. I had one guy who posted a photo of himself. He looked like a gorgeous Hollywood hunk who appeared no older than his late 30's. I would have sworn it was an old photo of Huge O'Brian in his younger years. Anyway, I sort of laid a trap for him, and short story...... I learned he was really 81.....and he wasn't Huge O'Brian. So much for the Hollywood hunk!
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I would love your (and everyone else who knows my sitch) to let me know your thoughts on moving ahead, filing and getting this moving. I see this not as a way to shake her out, but as the only true path to protect myself and my kids. I truly don't want a D, but I see no other alternative.
I have a question. Why does it have to be a divorce or nothing? I mean, why can't it be a physical separation? Maybe even a legal separation? Has your lawyer said a divorce would be cheaper than separating? I know in the past you said you couldn't afford two places, etc. But you were speaking like you'd continue to fully support her if you separated. Did you ask your lawyer about it? I don't know why you would be forced to financially support her 100%. However, I am not experienced in those areas, so IDK. Your lawyer should explain the options and how your finances would be least affected.
As I have previously said, I think it's going to take her having to live on her own, before anything changes to where she'd consider being a committed and intimate MR. This is why it's called tough love, b/c it isn't easy to see our loved ones suffer, but as long they are enabled by us or someone else...….their behavior pattern won't likely change. Living with her, enables her to continue doing this current behavior. If you can live that way.....then I'm not going to tell you to get a divorce. Frankly, I think you'd feel like a victim all the time, but that's JMHO. I will tell you that the changes you've made, have not been enough to change her. At best, I think you'd be like roommates. She'll continue to tell you that she's preparing to leave, b/c she knows it keeps you on a very short lease and that you will do anything to prevent her leaving. She knows it. In the meantime, she has someone taking care of her children, taking care of her, and providing a comfortable living. Nothing is being required from her. Do you get what I'm saying? She can live in this situation b/c nothing is required from her. When she doesn't feel well, she can go to bed and leave everything to you. What if she didn't have you? How would things change? That's what I'm saying. I think the only way she will change her relationship with you, is to have her living arrangement changed to where it takes you out of her home.
You can't stay with her in order to prevent her from having an affair. If she wants to cheat, there is a way.....believe me. If she wants to have a PA, she'll figure out how to do it. There are some women who have men come into their homes all the time, and the H is unaware anything is happening. As long as a guy can physically get to her, then her health won't stop them from doing the deed. Sorry to be so blunt, but I think maybe you were in a bit of denial about her not having the time to have an affair, and/or not being physically well enough. Seeing some of her phone activity has, perhaps, changed your mind.....IDK. ((hugs)) So sorry you are hurting.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
