I am still standing with my daughters

[Davide]

Sia,

Regarding children I can understand both sides of the coin. My WAW and I had no children and it definitely makes for a cleaner break. I have spoken in person with her only 5 times since BD in early April, and only once in the last 4 months. I think that detachment is easier without the regular communication and in-person interaction that a child necessitates. I read a lot of sitches with children and the process just seems to drag on a lot more (understandably.)

That said, I have always wanted children and feel that I have no outlet for the love I am eager to share. My W was ambivalent and leaning against children which (I thought) I was okay with at the time since I had her to share my love with. At this point I think part of my resentment is that she has removed not only herself but also a large window of opportunity for me to have a family. As a male, I can start a family later, but it is more difficult both physiologically, and also in finding a partner of the right age who wants that.

It is wonderful to have you back on the forum, and you sound much more in control of your emotions. You say that you are only talking the talk and not fully walking the walk, but your words display a calmness and equanimity. Living one day at a time is the way through this. Often times it is living one moment at a time. That is mindfulness. Enjoy those moments with your Ds, find the joy in simply being with them. You are on the right path.