Thank you Pain. I am surrendering. But wow it hurts. Rough morning, of course. When I returned home last night the baby was still awake, which she normally isnt. He told me she was all over the place, etc. I wasnt really saying much to him at all, so when I asked how she was he seemed excited to tell me. He then said,
"Im going to come by tomorrow and edge the yard and all that."....I dont think I even responded really or just nodded my head. It isnt his day to spend with daughter, so I guess he will probably just come do the work and leave. (if he even does) When he left he said bye nicely. He texted me a little after he left asking if this gray blanket he bought a while back was still here. I waited a while to respond and said "ya". He responded "ok" and then 5 minutes later said "Ill get it tomorrow"....I never responded. I dont really understand the point of the text. It makes me think he wants me to think hes sleeping in his truck or something and needs a blanket. I dont know. But it could be for ANYTHING, so of course it makes me wonder WHY he needs it and a million reasons come to mind. And he could have done that in person. Any text from him excites me in a way, so it almost frustrated me that ive been trying to get myself through this absolute hell and then one unnecessary text from him somehow gives me a weird hope. And I know thats not how I should think.
Having real issues with anxiousness today. Thinking of him not being my H, best friend, partner in everythingggg. It really makes me very anxious and have to catch my breath. It really is crazy how much I fall apart in private lately. Something has shifted so much. The days are really really tough
