Hi Survivors, LW - thank you for the support Nicole - Yes, it is a big beautiful daunting world out there and I am determined to find a piece of my paradise for me and the kids Maika, you are absolutely right, you have guided me since the very early days and I thank you. Blu, I am just talking the talk now, not all there to actually walk it. Your journey and your advice has helped me more than I can ever express gratitude for. I have read, re-read and re-read your threads a few more times. So much so that I am ready for a quiz, lol, the nerd in me just cant hide. I am in no-way healed but I see and feel that WH feels nothing for me anymore. He may have guilt about the kids but he is really on a different planet and that is not good enough for me or the kids. As you all know my sitch unfolded very differently from most others, I was in denial about any A for the longest time, WH absolutely denied it and laid the blame all on me for the breakdown of the MR. I ignored the glaring signs, I gave him benefit of doubt and felt idiotic for not having the basic intel. I still have no intel, but I have accepted there is an A, I sense it is also a PA so without any intel I have found my answers. He is of course introducing kids to OW on video calls(I also suspect OW is out of state), i have requested he not do it and he says I can only think such low things and denies any OW. I have made every mistake imaginable since BD, begged, cried, lashed out, tried convincing, got parents on both sides involved, let him walk all over me to an extent that he became the monster and i a victim, shucks, even I wouldnt want to be with that me. But it is a journey, I was completely blindsided by a man I loved more than anything in life and that too when we had just had a baby. I could go snooping around more, maybe I will gather intel but I do not want to anymore. OW is a woman who had EA with a man whose wife was pregnant with their second child and slept with him probably before even I could heal from my delivery symptoms, WH is a nut case right now, they deserve each other.
Blu you ask me how I do it, I honestly dont, I just live my life one day at a time now. I am negotiating the end of my MR with an infant by my side. I just think what would benefit my Ds the most and go by it, and I being happy and content will benefit not just me but them too. I still have my bad days but WH is not going to come back anytime soon.even if he does, we are doomed to fail. He doesnt have remorse and my wounds are deep. we both need space and time to heal and I see that now. I wish I didnt need 7 long months of misery post BD to realize this simple truth.
My baby is 10 months old, all I remember since her birth is the pain and hurt WH put me through, and to think I let him steal that precious time from me. Not anymore, I am going to enjoy every minute of their wonderful childhood and I want to encompass myself with the love they have for me.
I see some LBSs happy they have no children, I can only say thank god I have my Ds, my life is so beautiful with them in it.
I am so far from real happiness but at this time I know I have to get there myself, WH is not going to help me with it.
