I've been reading your thread for a while Nicole, but haven't had a chance to weigh in. I am not as active anymore, but I am still keeping up with a few sitches.
What you said about sunk costs a little while back made me want to comment. Sunk costs should never be a consideration in decision making because they generally cannot be recovered. Only relevant costs matter that are happening right now. Sunk costs lead to biased decision-making precisely because the investment is seen as something more than it actually is. Of course you have sunk costs because you have to invest in a marriage to make it work. But that can't be recovered. Even if you R, you are starting a new venture and you cannot let sunk costs dictate how you will approach it because the dynamics have changed.
We hold on to things precisely because of sunk costs and weigh them more than what they are - costs that needed to happen to move forward or function.
So, look at the relevant costs for where you're at right now. How is his behavior currently costing you in terms of your time, emotions, mental stability, etc, and what is the return on you incurring that cost. What is your ROI? Sorry to put it into such crude project management terms, but an analytical approach can be helpful to determine what you should do. You are still operating under the impression that the sunk costs can be recovered if you repair your MR. But what you're not factoring in is current relevant costs that are not giving you a return. In fact, I would say that you, and most of us here, are at some point incurring debt towards ourselves rather than reaping modest rewards.
Sunk costs are necessary, but relevant costs are not.
Also, knowing that your H has been with other women in an intimate way, how are you managing that when thinking about a potential R if it ever happens. I am not wanting you to borrow potential problems from the future that may never come, but at least treat it as an intellectual exercise. Can you be with this man if he has slept with other women?
