It truly is crazy how our minds take over. Im sitting here working and thinking to myself, if I drove by the bar right now, I bet I would see his car. Then I imagine him and OW sitting there drinking a beer, having just normal conversation like him and I used to do.
Something I find very unfair in this situation is that my husbands BD was when I was 5 months pregnant. So here we were, 6 months after buying a house, we were enjoying our lives, having fun, and also actively wanting to get pregnant. We found out we were pregnant June 22, 2017. We knew he had to leave for his new job in the beginning of July and the job was 9 months 4 hours away, so we planned he would come home every weekend and I would come visit, and we were fine with it. Even with the pregnancy, I was fine with it. I wish with ALL MY HEART I had told him no, stay here. We had a family vacation mid July with my family. He took a few trips with friends also that he wanted me to come to but I was so sick while pregnant I wasnt able to. Then 5 months in is bomb drop. Since BD, although we have had portions of time where we were actively supposed to be working on our relationship, we werent. We were just living back together and behaving as a couple, but we both knew how off it all was. He was still going back and forth to his job 4 hours away and I had no idea about OW.
Like ive said, when I found out about OW in December 2017, he immediately quit his job and I said I would stay with him. What I say is so unfair is that through all this I was pregnant. Our life not only changed drastically because of what he had done, it had changed drastically because I was pregnant. And he hadnt been here for a lot of that. He was enjoying his free time down there, at the bar, having fun like him and I would have been doing. When he came back and we tried to make it work, I was still VERY pregnant. I wasnt able to go do the things we would have normally been doing. He NEVER wanted to do anything with me. I would say to him, I can still come hang out. He never tried.
Then after the baby of course life changes. I feel like I was never given a shot bc in the midst of my entire life changing with a baby, my husband was running as far away from me as possible and he was going and doing the things we would normally do together, but with other people. Life changes when you have a baby, responsibilities become a little more important. Priorities shift. Both OW my husband has seen have children that are young, but not babies like ours. So the women are single and have a bit more freedom with their childs ages. Not once has he said, hey, keep the baby with your mom a little longer today, lets go grab a beer. Yet, even when living together, I would leave my moms house after work and see his car at the bar down the street. He seems to WANT to go have beers with these other women, hell they were both bartenders at these bars. But it just seems like he wants to go do all the things we did, but with someone else, not even thinking im STILL THE SAME PERSON I WAS before I got pregnant! We used to love just going and talking and playing darts and just being together. Now he wants to go have conversation with them, and NOT want to do any of that with me, as if im some bore now. And I know, thats what this is. This is a separation. Its happening BC he wants everything other than me. But im just been put in such a crappy sitch. Its like hes forgotten who I am because through all of this I wasnt my normal self. I was me, pregnant. Or me, new mom..I havent changed who I am, and I feel like he has made it like I have, Or at least thats how it makes me feel.
I dont know. In my head im just convincing myself he is just off every night having in depth conversation with OW, falling more and more for her like he used to for me when we would sit for hours and just talk about nothing.
I need to picture the stop sign. GOSH THIS IS HARD.
