And no, I do not know how an EA feels to the WW or anyone for that matter. I guess from the readings that it is almost harder than a PA since the fantasy is real and never damaged.
I see the fantasy as being the "fog" that MWD talks about. When it is at its strongest, the WW can act as if some alien has switched bodies. I call it "la-la land", b/c she is so caught up in her EA excitement and dreams of how things will be once she gets out of the M. Her H can try as hard as he can to tell her how it will be, but she doesn't hear him. She has to have something that opens her eyes and shakes the fantasy. It usually takes some type of loss......and it depends on the individual as to what the loss is and/or how great. I'm not necessarily speaking of material losses, but something that is hugely important to her. Once her eyes are opened and she sees her reality, she may choose to continue on that path or try to make amends and reconcile with her H. Sometimes it is too late to reconcile the MR, b/c one of the spouses has remarried and moved on with a new life. Some women continue to stay wayward after their fantasy collapses, b/c they have a harden heart and refuse to repent of their infidelity and make amends with the H. Infidelity, deceitfulness, disrespectful behavior, lies, etc., are manifestations of a wayward heart/mindset. Waywardness is built on rebellion and disrespect, and some people choose not to change b/c it would require too much from them.
As long as the H supports the WW with a comfy lifestyle and nothing is required from her, then the chances of her waywardness changing is very unlikely. Remember, an affair is not what defines a wayward wife. The waywardness was already there in her heart when she chose to cheat. The H may get a big wake up when the bomb drops, and he gets focused on the possibility of another person being in the picture. However, it is the waywardness that is the original enemy to the MR. Her disrespect and rebellion is leading her to do these other things that destroy a M.
I met the OM on a dating site. When it turned into an EA, and we claimed to be each other's love, I took my profile down, b/c I wasn't interested in paying for it if I wasn't going to use it. I told him that I took my name off, and foolishly thought he would do the same......if he was serious. He claimed he forgot about it. Really? Even when the monthly bill arrived? Later, when I begin to suspect things weren't all that he claimed, I rejoined the site just long enough to see if his profile was still there........and it was. Surprise, surprise!
Anyway, your W may be shopping for someone, or enjoying the thrill of candidates who are flirting/sexting/pursuing her. She can build quite a list of admirers, once she starts getting responses. There is usually a flirtatious period of chatting, sending photos, lots of flattery, etc., that goes on until one of them decides to move on, if there is no physical meeting.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
