Yup. Thats how all american and put together my ex comes across as. I doubt myself all the time. He is well groomed, in good shape. and seems put together. Holds a really great job. Gets back to people. And comes across as humble and intelligent. My own mom said that had he not lived with her for a year, she would have thought it was me that was the problem.
I know your ex was very successful as well. But seemed more social and charming. Fits more in as a narcissist then my ex?
Yup! My ex had tons of empty jack daniels bottles hiding in his desk. And my parents found a bag of them in the garbage. His mom told me he liked to collect bottles and the therapist told me he is not an addict. That she thinks he is just using it as a crutch to get through our marital problems. (2 years later i found out it was going on for 5 year min with the alcohol hidden by secrets and lies). She was not a good marriage counselor.
Maybe we know on a subconsious level. Deep down. Gut instincts?
Like you sensed something deeper. A detachment on your ex's behalf so when he came to bed late, it upset you. But you feel secure with your current boyfriend so no doubts or anxiety or reassurances needed when he came to bed at 3 am.
For me, i resented my ex for years. I felt like he wasnt pulling his weight and everything that went down i blamed it on him. I too came across as controlling and verbally abusive. Like your bf's friend, that was the campaign he waged against me. I dont know if i was being unreasonable or sensed that he was being irresponsible and just did not quite know how or why. I dont know what was the chicken and what was the egg. But i was deeply depressed and always pressuring him to help and be around.
Did you know he was an addict at the time? Did you resent him? Any thing you look back on and say, "i should have known"
Whats hard for me to cope with now is, how can he be an addict yet date someone else with a child. I wanted to believe he just could not function in a relationship because of his addiction. Not because of ME. I wanted to believe it wasnt easy for him. That i held significance to him. I still care about not having him care. Because i cared a lot about him. Even at the end. How can he deal with a relationship when he had had ED with me? (Sign of alcohol and pain killers) he told me "i want nothing to do with women! I cant handle it" yet hes able tondate single moms?
In your sitch, you are doing great with a career and have a wonderful new bf. But i get how hard it is when you are reminded of him through the selfishness of another. Its a trigger. An old wound you banged into. I have aquaintances that have done some pretty similar stuff. And i hate hearing it. Cause its their perspective. And their perepctive does not acknowledge anothers pain and suffering and damage.
