Thank you Steve, Davide and LW for your support as always. LW, when I asked for a guy who knows a guy, it is to kick WH's @$$, not for a romantic R for me, no sir, no no no, lol. Updates- I have been busy caring for my children who got sick from daycare, argh here we go into the prolonged season of germs. I have been doing fine, actually even a tad bit better than fine. My bad days/hours are more spaced out. I no longer have the urge to cry for long periods when I think or interact with WH. Maybe it is the time that has passed, may be it is the space , may be I am moving closer to detachment or it just maybe because I realize I am still blessed with a wonderful life. I have more than what most people can ask for, I have a pretty face that still turns heads ( I really need to get some spa time for myself lol), I have an above average IQ and a great education, a well paid job, great parents, reliable friends and most of all the best Ds who think the world of me. Well, I also have a silly WH who wants to runaway from all this but well its his problem not mine. WH is still taking his personal trips, even on days when he is supposed to take care of kids. Hey more time for me with my kids, yay! I am slowly making more friends, hand picking them really at this point, most of the friends were common friends so I really need some new faces. GAL outside is okish, I do as much as I can on the days I do not have kids, but I have realized GAL is doing what makes you happy and being with my kids actually makes me happy so my whole life is a fun GAL really. I come from the land of yoga and meditation, I am trying to take classes for both those. I am trying to surround myself with people who love me for who I am, as I am. I have a lot to work on myself, mainly control issues, short temper and taking my close Rs for granted but I am trying to be a better person. Most importantly I am trying to forgive myself. My BFF who spoke to me after almost a month was amazed at how strong I sounded than before, she wants me to think of dating too. But I also realize I am not ready yet. I may not be for a few years , who knows. Not because I want WH back, but because I want to be in a place where I am happy for who I am and what I have and not because I need another man to make me feel complete again. Until I get there I do not think I will be ready for a happy romantic R. I come from a conservative culture, where arranged marriages are common and divorces almost non existent. I chose WH thinking he is the love of my life, and he was. But I cannot accept the person he is right now so without a care of what unfolds next I want to move forward. Make a beautiful life for me and my Ds with all the blessings I already have. I spent 19 years of my life living by what would make my parents happy, the next 15 putting WH in all my life decisions. For the first time I am actually free. I have come to realize I may not know what it is to set him free, but I absolutely can set myself free. I am free of the codependency, free of the need to have him in my life, free of all the worries that make me want the MR to work. I set myself free. I used to tell myself I am standing for the MR for the sake of my Ds, to save their family. But if any person would dare even pull this stunt and put one of my Ds thru this, I would ask them to run away from the miserable man that is doing this. I will raise them to be powerful women who know their worth and I need to show them this by being that woman myself. On a side note, I have another mediation appointment this week where I know heck is going to break loose but that is okay too, part of the process. Tomorrow I may feel weak again, but for now I feel fine, better than fine.
