Growing stronger with a MLC wife.

[kiro]

Hi Faceman

I have been away for a while, and I only read your last post. I'm glad you're Ok. I agree with everything Gordie said.

It's been a very long journey for me and to be honest, it is still tough a lot of times. I still feel lonely, often depressed, and can't help it sometimes to still think about W and what could have been if she hadn't gone through her MLC.

But I'm not here to bring you down. Overall, it does get better with time, but I guess everyone has to go through the grieving process at their own rate. I don't think there is a shortcut. Of course, there are certain tips that help and will make it easier. I haven't read all your posts, but you may want to consider seeing a counselor to help with the process.

What I actually want to say is something that I have started to experience the past few months and that I read a lot about from others. With time, the perspective and thoughts change drastically both for you and for your wife. I still believe that deep down I still love my W, but it's not the same as the first 6 to 12 months after BD. Now, when I think about her or when I look at a picture of her, I feel nothing. I just see a woman that I feel I barely know.

When I think about the possibility of us getting back together one day, I think about it from a more practical way than an emotional one. But I also realize how difficult it would be to reconcile after everything we went through. Will she really be able to commit and put in the effort necessary to rebuild a new marriage? Will she be able to let go of her selfishness and be able to give and love? Will I be able to trust her again and ready to share everything with her?

Overall, I still think it would be great if we could get back together since we have children and we have been together for such a long time. At my age, I have a hard time imagining getting to know someone else. But it's purely a practical matter. I know that I am still able to love her again, but I don't feel that I depend on her anymore.

What I am describing here is something that I wouldn't have understood 6 or 12 months ago.

Like Gordie said, if we get back together, it will be something new I think. I am not the same and she is not the same. This is a very important point to understand. It's difficult to grasp when you're in the first stages, but it is worth thinking about it.

It almost becomes like meeting a new person, and wondering whether you would like to spend the rest of your life with her, without knowing much about her.