Hoosjim's 16th. Looks like we're piecing, folks.

[hoosjim]

So.....what does remorse look like to you?

Ooops, i guess i kinda spoke confusingly, there. By "slip", i meant "slip out of the happy, "all-good" place we seem to be in right now." I have no questions whatsoever by this point about her very deep and very genuine remorse, and that she has, for now, left waywardness behind. I mean, she still very regularly has those moments where she tells me how sorry she is, and will specifically say "I hate who i was becoming, then, and i tell myself and thank God every day how lucky i am that you came back and forgave me." She knows what she did was wrong. She no longer hides anything from me (told me about OM's call to her office, actually shared the VM with me when i asked), doesn't even ask if she can "Stay after work for wine" anymore... she just doesn't have the desire to, and to all appearances doctor at work is leaving her alone as she widely advertises her rejuvenated marriage and how happy she is.

I mean, we just have so many good dynamics going on now that we never had before. Sort of the "free and easy" interaction i mentioned before, the delight we take in doing little things for each other that we never did before-- we'll give each other massages now after work (me for her feet and calves, her for my head and neck), holding hands and other "PDA"s that always would have seemed weird and/or awkward before and now just... don't. She made me a gluten free, dairy-free lasagna yesterday (I have some food intolerances so i restrict my diet when i can) that was, unbelievably, just really darned good. She sat there next to me and watched me eat it with this big smile on her face that was just... indescribable. And then gave me a big hug. Just the happiness she got out of doing something as simple as making a meal for me that i enjoyed... the same happiness i get when i know i have made her laugh or brought some joy extra to her day. It's nice.

I'm getting kinda sappy, so I'll stop.

I really do owe everyone here a big debt of gratitude. I couldn't have gotten through this without y'all. You, artista, AnotherStander, Steve... everyone really. And i would say that even if my marriage had not survived. I am really in so much of a better place, now, individually. And so is my W. And so is our marriage. It's why I so much want to find a way to "pay it forward" and give something back. (I'm just having a hard time reconciling secretly providing marriage advice on a hidden website with the newfound openness and honesty in my marriage...)

Anyway, thanks again, y'all. (And sandi I'm glad to see you're back from your hiatus, i was starting to worry you might not be okay.)