LoneWlf, thanks. I won't make any rash decisions. This has been going for so long it seems like it'll never end.
Jim, just to clarify, I didn't mean that I'm waiting to take him back if he decides to return after all the 20 year old women. It just means I believe he could potentially try to come back at that point. I don't feel he's worthy already, but for over eight years he was an excellent fiancé and husband before all this started. Now he's repeated the same cycle of destruction for several years. That's why I'm curious to know if these types can be rehabilitated. Most of the books on stopping a divorce talk about measures to take in the short-term, and most examples on this forum are recent ones. I'm wondering what's the long-term trajectory for someone like my husband. It'll help in eventually forming conclusions over what's possible and what's not, or what's acceptable if reconciliation could ever occur or what's not. I want to consider both the short-and-long term. It's a lot easier to condemn someone else's spouse I've found, and to view them as unworthy, but hard when it's your own spouse in whom you've invested. It's not just about romantic love but there are practical matters as well - financial, child-wise, family-wise, and sunk costs. Right now all the options look bad so sometimes it's a question of what's the lesser evil. Is it a husband who screwed up and demonstrates real effort to change (if that's possible), another man who comes with his own risks, or a lifetime of loneliness and uncertainty? So many considerations...
Ovrrnbw, I don't think my husband has any plans to move in with us. Every time he comes here though he tries to talk to me and ask questions. I don't ask him anything but he tries to be friendly despite the brief time he spends here (an hour or two) and then the rest of the time is with his family. For me, at this point, moving on would be getting into a new relationship and looking for a new life partner. For that to happen we'd have to get divorced. I don't think anyone can claim to fully move on when they're still married unless they want to stay happily single for a long, long time.
All, I'm exhausted from everything. At some point I need to check-in with my husband in some way. I hope I can figure it out. I just don't want him moving to this area but I can't stop him. I can't have him passing by whenever it's convenient for him and then disappearing whenever he has a new woman or his girlfriend is visiting. I need to create more boundaries now if he moves here, and to do that I'll have to communicate with him, but I don't know yet what I'll say.
When he left yesterday I just couldn't look at him, smile, or say goodbye. I know that's probably a sign that I'm not detached, and by the time I see him in person and talk to him I can feel all the emotions coming back right as he's leaving. Then I can't say a single word. I don't know what he thinks about me but he had me download an app on my phone for the new car, said he's hoping his new employer will offer us better health insurance, saying he'll send more money, etc.. Most words and actions from him are kind and caring yet he hasn't mentioned anything about reconciling and he hasn't said he's sorry. The problem with no relationship talks over an extended period is lack of knowledge on both sides as to what the other may be thinking.
