kech, I so appreciate you, this thread, and these posters. Honestly. I know we all have similarities and differences, but I want you to know that if I had ever come here and posted when my H left -- and if I had been totally honest -- I would be saying the same things. So please, take that into consideration when you read my words. I cannot go back and redo my sitch, but I do see now how much better I could have handled things.
So instead of coming here and asking the group, "I want to text him so bad, should I?" Well, I did text him. And guess what I said in my text?
'H, you disgust me. I hate you."
No joke. I could be aggressive. I even fired off a nasty text about 20 minutes before we were supposed to have a conference with one of our D's school teachers. So he put his tail between his legs and didn't even show. But I didn't really feel victorious. And it certainly didn't make him want to come back. He was afraid of me and my anger.
It also didn't make him want to come back when I texted or said things like, "I can't believe this is happening to us. I am so f-ing sad. I miss what we had. I miss you." ... and you know what that did? It made him feel like crap about himself and feel more hopeless. He was already in his own depression at what he had done and the man he had become.
Guess what OW did? She showered him with positive attention and flattered him. She told him he deserved better. She left her own H for him. They didn't share life's reality or hardships. They shared a fantasy and an escape. Deep down, he knew it wasn't real. And, she knew on some level, he never felt about her as he did about me.
So as the months rolled on and I got better at biting my tongue, and holding my fingers, and stopped ignoring him just to be a bish. I just started to let go. I got much better at GAL too. Eventually I allowed myself to actually enjoy the GAL activities. I started to let go more and more. In the mean time, on his own journey, he more and more realized that OW was all wrong (she was and is just all wrong).
So this shift started happening. I will never forget this one night. I was dressed up and ready to go. He showed up to fetch the kids. I said goodbye and grabbed my purse. He followed me outside to my car. Huh? He kept trying to make small talk and keep me standing in front of the house. Huh? I just shrugged, was polite, but on my way. .... I got in my car and drove off. What had just happened??!! He was different. He looked like he had tears in his eyes. He was concerned with what I was doing and where I was going .... Something had shifted. Then it was like a snowball affect. I just knew the table had turned. ... and well, I let him back too easy. I say that now...
Things change. People change. We cannot control them or change them. But, we can always control and change ourselves. kech, I want to see you fight through this. I so, so hope you can do a better job than I did. Rise up above all this. Be the better person. Cry, cry, cry. Let him go. Hold your head up high and be wonderful.
Only a foolish man will walk away from a beautiful and strong woman. Be HER. Because she doesn't want a fool.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
