Moving past the WAW to a stronger me Pt. 4

[Davide]

Thanks for the support folks.

At this point I really don't talk about my sitch with hardly anyone outside of this forum. In the first few months I was talking with my family and friends (not common friends, just my own) incessantly. I felt the need to constantly tell the story as I saw it, as a form of control. I was having long phone conversations on a daily basis. I don't feel the need to do that anymore, but it is good to have somewhere to come to vent, and seek support, and also just to journal and process emotions and worries. My IC is good for that as well, but there are many times that I need to share but am between appointments. This board is a lifesaver in those occasions.

For those of you more early on in your sitch, I want to say that GAL activities have been the key to whatever progress I have made. They have been so crucial in establishing my own life, apart from the MR, and breaking free of the codependency that I suffered. At first I was doing them while still constantly thinking about the W and the MR, but I forced myself to keep doing them anyway. Now, my thoughts will occasionally wander back to the sitch, but it is no longer the default state. Being active, being around friends, being in nature, sharing good food and conversation - those are the things that fill me up. Reclaim your own life, your own sense of self by going out in the world and being active and engaging with it.

Ovrnbw, acceptance is the key. Accepting the things that I cannot change, which is just about everything outside of my attitude and practices. It has been a journey just to accept my own imperfections, and accept my story and own it. When you think your life is one way but it turns out that it isn't that is a tough transition to make. As Marlo Stanfield said, "You want it to be one way. But it's the other way." Taking that acceptance and directing it towards the W is the next step. The logical-rational side of me can say that she is on her own journey, that she is struggling and trying to do the best for her own life, but it is hard to move past the emotional response to the betrayal and rejection. I try to sit with it and feel it, but I don´t want it to curdle me, to turn me bitter. It's a delicate balance and I do struggle with it at times.