Ready2change, thank you! I’m glad you’re back! I wrote on Blu’s thread because I’ve been reading her sitch for weeks now and I was hoping to get her input. I keep reading her responses over and over. Everyone has told me from the get go to make a schedule with him, and I don’t know why it took me so long to truly follow through. I know it was fear, fear that he would accuse me of keeping the baby from him, fear that all that freedom would help him forget about me, and even fear that I will feel more disconnected from him. I hate feeling disconnected from him. And it’s exactly how I feel. It’s so hard to be right next to someone you love and not be able to lean over and hug them and say, ok, let’s be a team again and make this work.
I think I struggle the most with just that. The feeling that we are no longer Kech & H. We are no longer connected. And not only am I losing that connection, he is connecting with someone else. And with that so many more fears come into play. I want to bust this divorce but everyday it just seems to get further and further from that as we disconnect. We talked a bit today just about the baby and we would look into each others eyes as we talked and I just wonder if he even remembers who I am and how much he once loved me.
But that’s not the focus now. I would love to no longer let fear control me. The schedule was the first step! Setting my boundaries with the baby for the next 6 months as far as her not sleeping at his place when he gets one, was another step. I have to set boundaries and stick to them if I ever want him to respect me again. He swears he respects me, but you don’t treat someone you respect the way he’s treated me. He has lost the great respect he once had for me and I need to get it back. Any further suggestions on how I go about doing so?
