Moving past the WAW to a stronger me Pt. 4

[Davide]

Just a quick update.

So I confirmed with the leader of the bike-camping trip early last week that the OM was going, and then let her and others know the next day that I couldn't make it (I didn't say why, but it was obvious.) But on Thursday I got a message from her and another biking friend that I should go on the camping trip, and she let me know that OM wasn't going to go. It was really sweet. These folks were actually quite insistent that I go on the trip, and the leader even tried to help me find accommodations for my dog.

So, the upshot is that I got to go on the camping trip. It was a blast - a 20 mile ride out to an island right on the border of the state, jumping into the lake, eating trashy food, a giant bonfire with beers, and truly uncomfortable sleeping in a tent. It pretty much lived up to all of my expectations. It was a good break from the routine and a chance to spend time with friends away from it all and meet some new people as well. When I did the same trip last May just a month or so post BD my head was lost in thoughts about the sitch and the MR. This time I could see a clear difference as I was able to enjoy it for what it was, to be in the moment with these folks and really enjoy myself.

This coming weekend my parents are flying into town, so that should be nice as well. I just saw them the last week of July, but it will be good to have them around again. I have no family at all in the area, so any support is appreciated.

It's been good having the W out of town last week and this coming week. No worries about running into her at the gym or out with friends or wherever. I am still stuck in a very judgmental stage when I think about her. I want to be able to simply wish her well on her journey and accept the situation without any judgement at all. However, I do fall back onto the resentment and feeling that she really didn't put her best effort in. It's easy to curse her and the capriciousness with which she tossed aside the MR. Moving past that, I think, is a major goal for me. I'm not sure if it is just a question of time, or actively working towards that acceptance, but I know that I have to keep moving towards it.