Thanks burned. I will do that. I just had a complete meltdown, in the living room by myself. I honestly think that him and I have been in a cycle for the last 4-5 months. We would separate, live apart, then he would say something or I would say something, we would talk, and somehow someway or another, we would come back together and try to make it work and live together again. And then I’d end up getting fed up with his lifestyle and i knew he was cake eating so I’d ask him to leave. This has happened 4 times since April. And right where we are right now is when it becomes so hard it feels like it would be easier to show him how I feel and try to come back together, and for the first time ever I’m not doing that. And the sadness of it all is so overwhelming.
I know I’ll be stronger for this, I know I’ll be better off just going through the Fire to get to the other side, but it’s so hard to imagine ever getting through this with how hard it feels. I just want my best friend back and I’m heartbroken he doesn’t want that too. But I refuse to go backwards. I refuse to start over and put myself through this again. I have to push through. I’d he ever decides to try to be with me again, it would be so much work. And I can’t see him ever wanting to put that work in. Do I hope he does? Absolutely. But I am going to do my best to stay strong for now and keep pushing through this fire. And it is hell
