MY TRAGIC WAW STORY PART XII

[ItHurts]

Hi guys,
Okay last night was nice. I picked her up and took her out to a fancy restaurant. We had a lot of fun.
Afterwards when we got back to her place we talked in my car a bit. For whatever reason I just decided it was time to lay it down. The subject of R came up. She said she was planning on having the conversation with me about "the elephant in the room" and that it's good we're having it.
Basically she said she'd be lying if she told me the thought of R hasn't crossed her mind a few times. She said we laugh hysterically together, she loves being with me, and she knows she wouldn't have to deal with the "bullshit" she's experienced with other men if she was with me. She said she knows that if she ever got back with me it would be full conmittment, she used the term "all in."

Then she went on to say what she had said many times before. That she is not dating anyone at all right now and really doesn't plan on it for awhile. She said she needs this time to live on her own. She again said see went from living with her parents, to living with me for nearly 20 years, to living with her friend in Florida...that she has never had the experience of living alone and that she needs to experience it. She mentioned that she's afraid she'd regress and fall back into her old habits with me. She also said that she needs to stand on her own. That for so many years see relied on me for support and that she needs to experience this independence. She said she's thought to herself about how much fun we have, and how much she enjoys spending time with me and that maybe we should just get back together.
However she always ultimately decides that she needs to work on herself some more. She needs to be absolutely sure that things won't be as they were before. She said I definitely can't rule it out that we could reconcile. She said it was no coincidence that we had photo albums to exchange. She suggested that fate brought us together again. She's just not sure why yet. I told her that what happens if I get serious with someone else and have to cut off our reestablished contsct? She said that she'd miss me but she knew that this was all possibly just a flash in the pan. I then came out and said, " Yeah but you need me." Then I looked at her in the face and said "you need me" again. At this point she nudged my arm and laughed and said "yes I do you jerk" and laughed as if she made some confession she didn't want to make. I told her yeah it has been obvious to me. I told her her current flight pattern seems to be that she needs to see me at least once a month. She laughed almost embarrassed that I said it like that and she agreed.

As I suspected, she is afraid that all this self improvement she's done would be erased if we reconciled. I told her no, you would simply take that with you...that it isn't either a relationship or your identity. That both can, and should coexist.
She said her and I are a complicated situation. She said that right now she doesn't want to be with any man. She wants to be alone. She again said it's not like I'm dating...I don't want to. She said she's not at all impressed with her past potential suitors. She said "I can't predict the future but I definitely can't rule out the possibility of reconciling at some point. She said there's times she wishes she had someone hut more often than not she doesn't.

She also mentioned that her Mom, obviously my ex MIL, was thrilled that I cam over for coffee and to fix her computer. He said "My mother wants to marry you now. She thinks you're great." I laughed and said it was really no big deal and that I've always loved her Mom to death. She mentioned she was hanging out with her Mom today. She said that she's not interested in anyone romantically right now and asked if I was serious with anyone. I answered her honestly and told her about the new gal I've been seeing but also was truthful and told her it's nothing serious as of yet. So we kind of jjust agreed to hang out conservatively as we do and see what happens. It's funny because she said a lot of the same things that I've said here to you guys and and I laughed inside to myself as she did. She's basically in the same place I am...where it's kind of just letting things go and seeing where we end up. Basically as long as neither of us is serious with someone else that what we're doing works. She again said she can't predict the future but she doesn't rule out R with me. She said let's just keep spending time together as we are and let fate lead us where it will.

So all in all I am happy the air is cleared and even happier that she thinks of things as I do in terms of just letting whatever is going to happen happen. Inside I'm thinking to myself that I also took a big step taking her out on a dinner date because now I can invite her to other fun events down the road.

I guess you can say that the status quo is this...neither of us sees any reason to not spend time together and seeing where it all leads. I'm fine with that and have been. She is too. So I guess all I can tell you all following this thread is that neither of us has any idea what's going to happen...we just know that R is not out of the question at some point for either one of us.
Works for me.

(It's always hard to remember everything that was said when you spend several hours with someone but if I recall anything significant that was said that I missed I'll let you guys know.)