DB / Detach- Will we ever piece it together

[Did]

Thanks Litb. I do recognize the expectations and know Im just hurting myself.

If I focus on myself the best thing would be divorce her and get on with my life. But having a daughter and loving her with all my heart missing her half the time weighs heavy. What Ive always wanted since starting this journey of self awareness is wanting a new relationship with her as the man I am today. But I want the wife I married who I barely even see that side of her.

I dont want the divorce so I guess I just go LRT / stop talking to her as much as possible. Re-reading LRT portion of DR next... Its the opposite of what I want to do but whats best for me is to let go. Maybe thats what works too, ignoring her was when she started telling me she had feelings for me. I know shes attracted to guys that are unavailable which makes me think shes fn crazy but I guess thats human nature. She sent me a few pics of D4 from today at a farm with her dad in 1 of them. I havent responded. Im sure shell facetime me later. Im planning on not responding. Then tomorrow Ill just ask what time she will be over with D4. Thats all I need to know.

And were back to doing things because of the expectations of response.... (throws hands in the air)

Focus on my life, my future and my daughter. If she isnt on the same page of caring about our marriage, relationship, family then what I want isnt an option.

Heading out in the city tonight. Coaching tomorrow which is the most fun part of my job, a lot of time behind the computer to organize all the programs then to actually be on the field with the kids is the part I love. Then get D4 back for 3 days before heading to syracuse.

When I get back I have IC. Reading the book You are a Badass- How to stop doubting your greatness and start living an awesome life. By Jen Sincero. Its been really good so far.

But in the end what I wouldnt give to have W on my arm the way she used to be not doubting if I was the one for a second, wanting it all together... thoughts like that are what keep me up at night. But at least better to put it out to you all here rather than act that way to her.

Thanks for the support.