W was super curious this a.m. she knows ive been out more, and she wonders what im looking at on phone/computer etc. I dont let her see or tell her because she didnt do that for me over the ladt 2 years and she also doesnt have that privilige anymore since she filed for D. I dont know if shes jealous, fears losing control, or wants something to use against me for D.
Im not sure how to respond to her asking to see, or maybe i am(just keep saying no). In the past ive just said no, and today i told her that she didnt let me see her phone for 1.5 years. Shes always plotting and scheming in the background so i have no idea what shes up to this time.
She told me today that im doing all the same exact things i accused her of, but then she wouldnt go into detail about what she meant exactly(obviously locking phone is 1). Then she gives me the old "i know everything i need to know now" line.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
I am working on 180's and proctastination(or just not following through at all) is one of them. Deal is the W asked about me fixing something on the house that i said i would do a while back and never actually did it. That said, since she has filed for D, legally i have no claim to the house. I really dont want to repair the house or spend money on the house since im now being treated as a temporary renter.
Should i spend money and do the repair? My feeling was to tell her since its been made clear its no longer my home i wont be putting any money into it. Any thoughts?
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
IMO, a man/person should stick to their word. If you said you were going to fix it, you should and it's a 180.
I feel you are not fixing out of vengeance. Dont make decisions with a vindictive heart.
And once you fix this item, be firm and let your W know, you won't be fixing nothing else because fixing things around a house that won't be yours makes you feel used and uncomfortable. Being honest, is in line with MNGS.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Sorry to confuse you but I disagree with JJ. How did her word turn out when reciting your wedding vows?
Look if it was both of yours house I would agree. Trust me when I tell you her and OM would get a good laugh about it if you spent your money to fix her house.
You want to work on procrastination, join a gym, go for a run, take up a hobby. There are many things you can do to accomplish this that doesn't make you look weak.
I tend to agree with LH here. When did you tell her you would fix it? If it was before BD or before you knew about OM then I would definitely not do it. Her actions ended the relationship and left you as a boarder. Everything is different now.
Even if it was later, I would think about it a lot and why you feel the need to do it. Is it an attempt to be nice? I can understand the value of honoring your word, but only up to a point. People are allowed to change their minds as well. I don't see that as vindictive necessarily. If we are supposed to treat the WAS as a friendly cashier, I wouldn't repair a cashier's house and pay for it myself.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Well, worrying about what her and OM think about you is weak. Every person that disagreed with me, did so on the basis of what and how your W treated you. But guess what, you are not your W. I told you to fix it because YOU told her you would.
Just beacuse your W, went against y'all vows, dont mean you can't live up to your word. Don't allow another person to turn you into something you are not. When it's all said and done all we have is our words and actions.
What we do when we DB is not always about how we interact with our S, but how we make decisions about and for ourselves.
We deal with procrastination by starting. It's that simple. Make a move. Get up. Go.
Life is simple, it's all the other people around us that makes it hard.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
