A coworker told me, "you never really love the same 2nd go around" . Do you guys feel this is true? Then again, many of our walkwawys find some sort of love that is strong enough to get them to leave their families.
I hope someone can reword what i am trying to say but here goes..
There is something very very different dating this time around. You have this advantage of wisdom and independence..to the point that i wish i could go back 20 years ago knowing what i know now ( i wish i could do the same with high school) but the disadvantage of aging. It is different because most of us are seeking people to end our lives with, not start them. Or some of us are just seeking people to spend saturday night with, go out to dinner with, take to a couples event and then independently go back to the routine of our own lives. Keeping the true grit that comes with marriage or relationships at arms length.
When you dont have children together, it kind of feels like a "whats in it for me". Or, "am i at risk. Am i gonna get conned" It feels less collaborative. . For me, there is less optimism. Which doesnt feel as good. With my ex, i never ever thought it could end. For me, it would have been like murdering a family member. With new people, i know i can end it in a heart beat if there is nothing in it for me.
Like kml said, i dont care much about outcomes. I dont feel hugely attached to a partner. Not like i did with my ex. It kind of gives you a power in a relationship. But maybe less attachment.
And that grit. That reality that comes with long term committment? I think thats necessary for real love. But harder to electively sign up for 2nd time around.
The other part is vulnerability. Thats another thing thats necessary for real love. But who wants to sign up for that again?
So relationships require grit and vulnerability.
Cancer patients tell you how much harder it is to undergo treatment 2nd time around. After a relapse. Its because they know what they are getting into. 2nd time around their eyes are open to knowing the full extent of suffering that they endure.
