Look at what you are writing Nic.... you are being very honest about your H negative qualities. I understand your desire to save your M but you have removed those rose colored glasses. Now I have no crystal ball to look into the future but I'm almost feeling that if your H did return you may find yourself having grown past him and no longer interested. ;-)
With that being said let's focus on the positives ---- regardless of what happens between you and your H your D will have the ability to have a good close relationship with her father with a job that's near by. He's spending less resources on having to fly to have time with her so that leaves the ability to put that money to better use on your D.
I get where you are coming from - you packed up to leave to give yourself distance and space to clear your head. How unfair of him!!!! But, you two are forever tied to co-parenting. That is a job that never leaves but changes and evolves over time. My step kids are either out of the house or nearly but my H will still have to deal with his exwife. While it may be less than currently my step kids will get married and have kids or need help moving - all areas that there will be contact and influence with the ex. You can't run away from the fact your share a child.
I don't believe you are as stuck as you think you are. I do feel the idea of a professional therapist as a win win!!! I think a therapist can help you to switch your focus from those negative anniversary dates that haunt you to positives that you have created since.
Remember the time frame is up to you. DB states that time is your friend. Remember the mistakes that occurred the first time your H returned home. Making that choice to choose that mistake again is rough (from both sides). If I remember correctly only since April you have you made real changes in how you interact with your H. 5 months isn't a super long time for someone to feel that change is genuine especially when there are strong memories of how bad it was the first time he came home. But, you are in control of the time frame and you get to say when enough is enough.
You are really starting to detach and remember... the moment you no longer want them is when they want to come home.
