Starting here, Shes a QLC?

[Shrike]

Shrike, she seems a little too aware and verbal to me for an MLC/QLC kind of thing. But, I do think that your responses to her were right on point. It will be interesting to see how this turns out (for you it won't be fun, trust me I know the difference between interesting for someone else and painful for me).

Its definitely possible she isn't, I really have no idea what to expect with her anymore, and I have stopped trying to. I realize I cannot control her or make her do anything. I know its up to me to figure what sort of relationship, if any, I am willing to accept with her. I don't know what's going to happen, I am trying to embrace that uncertainty, let go of both our past and the future I thought we had. You are right, it will be both interesting and painful :'D

Hi

You guys met and M fairly young..

You do sound grounded and confident and you seem like you know how to handle her

She may be too young for MLC but I'm not sure if QLC is the same but if she goes through it now, maybe she wont repeat in her 40s --But it seems she has repeated this kind of behavior too often already--

Thank you, I definitely don't feel grounded, especially around her, but it had been getting easier lately.

She definitely has a history of it now. I know I have to take that into consideration, even if she doesn't realize or admit to it. I mean I know what I was doing wrong in the relationship, to sort of push her to this. I realize that it is up to me to NOT be that person.

Part of me thinks that even if I had done or been everything she ''wanted'' that she still would have found a reason to do what she's doing. It has taken a long time to understand what I was and wasn't doing to hurt our marriage, it will at least help me in the future.

They say MLC may be unresolved childhood issues.
She will probably need to get to some a sort of help at some point to recover-

She has a lot of unresolved issues from childhood, and I strongly believe that getting married to me was a way for her to get away from them for a while, but she never processed them or has gotten help with it. I was her therapist, or at least tried to be for a while. She refuses to actually go in and see someone, since she had bad experiences with it as a child.

At this point she seems to be more attracted to exploring other R which is a common MLC theme and having fun
The MLCer cant get better while searching for Affair partners-
it takes a looong time for many to recover if ever-

This definitely is her. She only wants to do things that make her ''happy'' and be around people that make her ''happy''. Even this morning, she said something along the lines of how she's finally exploring her sexuality.

She seems unwilling to work on herself or the R but seems connected to you by her texts
many MLC will not keep an emotional connection with LBS for any great length of time-some will--

As far as her connection I don't really get it. From what she says its all over the place. I know that I am not supposed to believe what she says, and only half of what she does. So I'm not sure its even worth going into some of the things said regarding still being in love.

You have kids to take care of-
and many of us here will put the focus on raising the kids as we watch the MLCer to see which direction they go

Many Mlcers will go out to sea and we have to create new lives while being the main parent and provider-

This makes me incredibly sad. The mindset doesn't make sense to me. It so much to just toss aside and disregard. The selfishness is something I don't really comprehend.

You are young--you may have many options -
Therapy is helpful for us-reading-
Hang in-

I have a hard time reminding myself that it is possible to have a future without her and that I still have opportunities outside of this. I am seeing a therapist about once a month, but may try to see more often. I am not sure it really helps, but maybe letting it all out with someone will eventually allow me to move on. I know my co-workers and family are probably getting tired of it.

Thank you, all of this made me tear up a bit today. Perhaps in a good way.